To Contact or To Wait

So.

Enough time has passed since I applied for a certain job but have not heard back yet that I am beginning to wonder if I should contact the person in charge and see if they went with another person for the job.  However, it might just be that they have been busy with aspects of another project so they have not gotten around to contacting me yet.  This is where I am holding out hope at the moment.  That the job I could potentially get is something that was back-burnered for a time until the other project had wrapped.  As of a few hours ago, that project was nearly wrapped up.  The potential employer sent a tweet saying that they project was nearly complete, and now here sit.  Waiting.  Worrying.  And feeling large degrees of uncertainty and sadness.

I am now beginning to triple guess the writing sample that I sent along.  Did I pick the wrong subject matter?  Did I misunderstand the nature of the call-back?  Am I the one who botched it because I did not follow up in time? Is it time to assume that I am no longer in the running?  Did I not showcase my abilities well enough?

So many questions, and so much self-doubt.  Partially, I wish I had not tied so much on whether or not I would get this job.  I've had other jobs in the past that paid on more consistent basis and were closer to the creative writing that I so love and hope to produce a children's novel for.  But I really wanted this job.  I haven't had the opportunity to pursue opportunities--so to speak--until the past year or so.

I truly don't know what to do in this situation, and it is driving me crazy with worry that I'm going to make or have already made the wrong decision.  Reach out and contact?  Have patience and see what happens?  Hyperventilate or be cool as a cucumber.  (For the record, I don't really hyperventilate, but feel like if I worked on it I probably could make a fair attempt at such a thing.)

I will be good for now.  Good and patient and see what happens next.  But man, I really want to contact the potential employer.

Connections Oddly Felt: Exhausted Youtubers Edition

Jester's Note:  I started this entry a couple of weeks ago, but this was the beginning of several weeks of me, my wife, and my kid to a degree; getting sick and feeling off.  All of this has culminated in my wife needing gallbladder surgery that she'll be getting fairly soon.  I tried coming back to this particular blog and getting a feel for where I was at, but the truth is so much has happened since then and I need to make sure I am keeping my schedule up for my freelancer jobs.  Not that I plan on abandoning this blog, just that I haven't spent as much time as I normally would editing this as I don't want to screw up my own narrative.  I haven't looked at this post in a couple of weeks.

Anywho, things are finally getting on track, but I am a little tired and glad to finally be catching up:

So here is that post from couple weeks ago:



Weird envy and contemplation have mixed into a brew of wistful regret and determination today.

Funny how you can suddenly feel connected to a person you've never met when their circumstances mirror your own.  I mean, we experience connections to time to time with our close friends and family when they have stuff happen that parellels our own life, right?  Everything from growing up  so it is not totally unfimiliar to feel a connection to a person when they experience something that you find familiar.  Saturday morning cartoons and cereal.  Going to Chuck E. Cheese.  Renting Nintendo games.  These are just a few of the experiences I think are semi-universal for people in the 20-30's bracket like me.

However, there are certain experiences that I have had in life which I know very, very few people can relate to.  Sometimes I think friends forget or don't realize how much these "experiences" have effected my life, the way I live, the way I can live, and the choices I have made and will make.  I have been sick most of my life and in and out of hospitals since when I was a little younger than 10.  I've had my insides removed, re-sectioned, and poked and prodded more times than I care to recount.  I had more surgeries by the time I turned 30 than most people have had when they are twice my age.  It is almost like a boast, if racking up hospital debt that still effects my family to this day were something a person actually wanted to boast about.  Now, I don't mention this for "pity party" purposes. Just an acknowledgment that because of my continued health issues I have not had the opportunity to be as productive or had the same energy level as my peers.  All the health stuff culminated in liver transplant surgery in 2010.  I've been healthier-ish since, and am trying to get in even better shape than ever.  So things have been looking a bit up in the health department.  Sadly though the new liver did not come with a full refund of the years that I spent too sick on and off to do much.  It didn't magically mean the credit card was paid off.  It did not result in a new car.  (Shame too, because although a new lease on life is great and all, a new car behind door number one would have been nice as well).

Anywho, I felt oddly connected to two Youtube personalities I follow.  

Earlier today the gamer guy known as "Markiplier" posted a picture of himself to twitter.  He was laid up in a hospital bed with an NG tube up his nose and he looked a bit pale.  I guessed immediately what was going on even as he eluded to the issues being nothing serious.  Later in the day, he posted an update detailing what had happened to him, and I basically had guessed it spot on.  So hooray to me.  I have all too intimate knowledge of what was going on with the guy.  Not that this was something I really wanted to ever connect with some one about, because who wants to see another person go through that kind of pain and illness?  It made me think though that here is this guy who is not much younger than me going through situation similar to me...and he's successful and will overcome this and be back to his occupation of Youtube gamer soon.  I know to some that this might sound silly or something to poo-poo, but the guy is hilarious, engaging, and interesting to watch.  And obviously he is learning skills in video production and sound editing that will be of use later in life should he decide to stop doing the youtube thing.  Because from what I can tell, you need to be pumping out a fair amount of at least half-way decent content in order to make it on youtube.  Speaking of people who are pumping out content and practicing skills that will be transferable....

Another one of my favorite personalities to follow/watch on Youtube is Pat the NES Punk. It might sound like a goofy name, but that is part of the fun.  If you haven't seen his stuff before, check out his series "Flea Market Madness" in addition to his humorous reviews.  Low budget-schmo-budget, I'll take his stuff over whatever over-produced content IGN or Kotaku pumps out--but I digress. The point is, he put up a video the other day updating fans/followers of his Youtube channel on how things were going and tell them about upcoming content.  He's pretty much a one man crew pumping out a variety of content from retro game reviews, the "DIY" type show about hunting for game bargains in flea markets, a twice monthly podcast, and a retro game history show--to name just a few things.  The guy looks beat in the update video.  From what I can tell he's a pretty in shape guy, but even being fit doesn't give you limitless energy.  Again, in a way I felt like I could relate to what he was going through.  It was a video with apologies as much as updates, basically saying sorry that the behind the scenes work was not showing as results (as of yet) on his Youtube channel.  That's just the way it is though if you are the one doing it all while trying to maintain/build a brand and content.  I felt especially bad for the guy because there were a host of comments made about the video on how he "looked high" or my 'favorite,' "dead inside."  Just sad that people don't seem to grasp how much work can go in to the behind the scenes work of a project.  Authors don't pop out fully formed books that are totally edited and ready to eat up shelf space at your local bookstore.  Famous filmmakers don't magically make movies out of thin air.  Why should it be expected that a Youtube personality can just churn out incredible content like a machine?  I don't get it.  

But I do get a bit of hope from these guys stories.  Why do I get hopeful?

Well, it's hard some times to think about all the opportunities that I may have missed while sick.  I wanted time to myself to write my children's book.  I thought off and on about doing game reviews on the side.  I thought about doing my own blog to talk about writing and things I had learned about writing.  I thought about doing a podcast and even did some research into what microphones would work best.  I even thought about getting my own website on the side.  None of this happened though.  I just went to school.  Went to work.  

And...went to the hospital.

I was sick, needed a transplant, and got one.  I plan on having a much longer post on this come the anniversary in July, but in the mean time....

Things have changed quite a bit in my life over the past 18 months.  For starters, my beautiful little girl was born. And that was pretty much the big boost I needed to get started on those things that I had always just thought about doing.  So I've been getting freelance writing jobs, doing some personal writing, writing a kids book, working on a podcast with my brother, and in general working on my dreams in a way that I had begun to worry were slipping forever away from me.

Exhaustion inevitably comes with the territory.  I get that, and always assumed that. In a way this form of exhaustion--feeling tired because I get to chase my dreams full force--is something I've also had a chance to only dream about as time passed.  Weird to think of looking forward to getting tired and worn down, but I say without irony or cliche' that I have never been happier.  True, it leaves almost nothing for social life, which kinda sucks, but I don't want to just sit around talking about my plans unless I've actually been following through on them.  I don't want to be hypothesizing about the things that might happen in time.  Right now those things ARE happening for me as I write this.  How do I know this?  Because I AM writing this.  sitting at my computer, plugging away and taking a break from the writing jobs to wax on about how busy my life is and how it has been going.  Not meant as a brag, just me saying that I am happy to be exhausted in this way.

I wonder if those guys I mentioned are contented like this too.  Yeah, I'm exhausted, but I don't mind.
I'm getting to work on my dreams.

Speaking of which...
Time to get back to work.

How to Feel Terrible: When a Client Disappears Edition

What do you make of it in the world of freelance writing when a client goes from enthusiastic communication loving your work and wanting more....

to total radio silence, so-to-speak?


Panic

Obviously you did something wrong and they hate you now.  They probably spend hours throwing darts at pictures they imagine look like you rather than do a quick check in to say what is going on and if they are going to continue to use your work.  Make sure you have a stack of paper lunch sacks nearby to hyperventilate into.  Likely you'll blow through a few of them while you decide your next move.  Maybe you should contact them five or six times in the next hour, just to let them know how much you love working for them.  If you need to cry, don't do it on the keyboard as it could short out.


Obsess Over the Details of the Last Thing You Gave Them

Did you have spelling errors?  Probably.  Could that one sentence have been more tightly written? Definitely.  Remember, everything can be done better, especially your last project.  It may be too late to turn in a new version, but that doesn't mean the worrying and obsessing about what has been done should stop.  In fact, it's time to ramp those doubts up to ten on the worry scale!  Stop being satisfied that you did your best and start really considering what it means to fail.  The closing ideas you had for a review?  That was probably terrible.  You transitions from one point to the next?  Those were also likely abysmal.  Don't even get started thinking about your usage of commas.  Not only did you more than likely screw that up, but the client is likely sharing your travesty of comma use around the office and with total strangers.


Count Your Failures

The age old adage about "Counting your blessings" is a lie, and you know it.  So why not count up your failures instead?  No, I'm not talking about that last assignment or job offer you tried out for.  I am talking about everything that you can possibly remember that you failed at.  Your choice to have spaghetti the other day was a disaster from the get go and you know it.  That time you thought about leaving your "safe" Joe job to pursue your dreams?  What a mistake that turned out to be, right?  In high school, yes, they really were  all looking at you and wondering why another human being would comb their hair and dress that way.    That time in kindergarten when you colored outside the lines? Yes, even that can be counted against you when it comes to the failure tally.  You need to dig deep when it comes to this one.  Think hard now, do you remember those first steps you took as a baby?  You can be pretty sure your parents hung their heads in shame when your diapered duff hit the floor before you even managed to plant one foot in front of the other.


Right about now you should be in the fetal position sucking your thumb.

Never Try Anything Ever Again

Don't do anything ever again.  No, not don't do anything new.  Tons of people never do anything new each and every day.  It's time to consider total inertia as an option for your future.  Doubtless your client's failure to respond mean that think a rock could have done a better job writing what you turn in, and maybe it is time to stop thinking of all you can accomplish and time to start thinking of how living as a solid state block of matter can help you avoid future disappointments.


Remember, you can't do well all the time.  So embrace the mediocrity and failure that has come to pass.

 Unless the client just made simple mistake and still loves your work, but didn't have time to get back to you.  In which case, you're totally fine and can ignore the advice previously given.

Planning a New Blog

Greetings to you, whomever you are!

I am currently working on a new blog centered around original Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Wii U Games.  I hope to acquire some other old school systems so that I can blog on those as well, but we shall see.  For now, I need to finish up my articles that I have been ready to drop in the cue for that blog, but just haven't spent time to get them ready.

So much to say since the last time I blogged.  Uh...let's see.  I've moved to a bigger, better apartment.  The wife and I have an awesome, adorable little girl, and I get to work freelance writing jobs.  So all in all life is good.  It is definitely hectic/more busy than before, but much better than working retail job. Not to mention actually pursuing your career that you spent a good chunk of your college life on is a good thing too.

Anywho, here's to 2015, may it be the best year ever.  I know it sounds cheesy, but dang it, I think it will be!