Renewed Hope: Is it worth it?

As I sit here, I've become aware that my previous guesses about the individual (company?) that I sent an application for a writing job to was as swamped as I thought with another project and now is playing catch up with other ones.  So I have renewed hope that I will be getting a "call back," or whatever one might phrase it as, for this job.  Again, I want to remain vague about it because of several reasons:

1. It might be a NDA type deal where gabbling about details for the project are strictly taboo and would jeopardize the client's trust and or potential future jobs with said client.
2. I don't want to get unecessarily hyped up for really cool job that may not happen.  
3. If the job falls through/my secondary submission did not make the cut, I want to edit that submission and possibly use it in a future project if the client allows me to do so.  
4. I like to hedge my bets, so I've been trying to work ahead, at least in the research department, so that should I get selected for the job I will have a short turn around time for the "boss" of the project.  I'd rather be ready to go and firing on all pistons than trying to hit the ground running, but from behind....does that metaphor make sense?

So this leads me to a little life lesson that hopefully is chock full of condescension, pretension, elevation, and any other "-tions or sions" I may have missed.  Kidding aside, I want to make it clear that there's never a reason to give up hope on what can be done with a project.  Does the client cancel?  No biggie, just use what you've learned, and maybe even the work as well and turn it into a funny story or resume' enhancer.  Or maybe re-purpose it for later use.  As I slowly reclaim myself from the abyss that was my old retail job I am remembering the optimism I used to have over situations even when they seemed bad or turned out other than I had hoped.

I don't care if it sounds schmaltzy to say, but I will remain hopeful even when it seems the foolish and silly thing to do.  Heck, even if I don't get this particular job, that doesn't mean I can't try again later to try and get a job with this guy, and it doesn't mean that I've lost the chance to work on anything ever again and for all time.  I think while I was working that crummy job in the past, it tended to blindside me with such horrible things and poor treatment from management on a daily basis that I saw every failure as total closure of possible routes and futures.  It was a terrible thing to happen because in addition to the pervasive awfulness of the job, I tended to think one failure was all it took to either be at square one, or think that I should never try certain things ever again.

Different outlook now?  Yes and no.   As I said, I used to have a more upbeat, "keep-on-a-tryin'" attitude prior to the retail job going full evil mode.  I hope that if you read this and are in an awful job, have people in your life that scoff at being hopeful, or feel like every one else is living it up while your stuck in the doldrums--please try to get away from those bad influences and start anew.  I know it doesn't seem possible if you feel stuck in an awful job, but trust some one who knows from experience.  Such places can keep you from realizing your full potential.  If you're scared of what might happen if you leave, try even harder to get away from there.

It's easier to deal with fear of the unknown that it is to deal with a lifetime of regret.

How to Feel Terrible: When a Client Disappears Edition

What do you make of it in the world of freelance writing when a client goes from enthusiastic communication loving your work and wanting more....

to total radio silence, so-to-speak?


Panic

Obviously you did something wrong and they hate you now.  They probably spend hours throwing darts at pictures they imagine look like you rather than do a quick check in to say what is going on and if they are going to continue to use your work.  Make sure you have a stack of paper lunch sacks nearby to hyperventilate into.  Likely you'll blow through a few of them while you decide your next move.  Maybe you should contact them five or six times in the next hour, just to let them know how much you love working for them.  If you need to cry, don't do it on the keyboard as it could short out.


Obsess Over the Details of the Last Thing You Gave Them

Did you have spelling errors?  Probably.  Could that one sentence have been more tightly written? Definitely.  Remember, everything can be done better, especially your last project.  It may be too late to turn in a new version, but that doesn't mean the worrying and obsessing about what has been done should stop.  In fact, it's time to ramp those doubts up to ten on the worry scale!  Stop being satisfied that you did your best and start really considering what it means to fail.  The closing ideas you had for a review?  That was probably terrible.  You transitions from one point to the next?  Those were also likely abysmal.  Don't even get started thinking about your usage of commas.  Not only did you more than likely screw that up, but the client is likely sharing your travesty of comma use around the office and with total strangers.


Count Your Failures

The age old adage about "Counting your blessings" is a lie, and you know it.  So why not count up your failures instead?  No, I'm not talking about that last assignment or job offer you tried out for.  I am talking about everything that you can possibly remember that you failed at.  Your choice to have spaghetti the other day was a disaster from the get go and you know it.  That time you thought about leaving your "safe" Joe job to pursue your dreams?  What a mistake that turned out to be, right?  In high school, yes, they really were  all looking at you and wondering why another human being would comb their hair and dress that way.    That time in kindergarten when you colored outside the lines? Yes, even that can be counted against you when it comes to the failure tally.  You need to dig deep when it comes to this one.  Think hard now, do you remember those first steps you took as a baby?  You can be pretty sure your parents hung their heads in shame when your diapered duff hit the floor before you even managed to plant one foot in front of the other.


Right about now you should be in the fetal position sucking your thumb.

Never Try Anything Ever Again

Don't do anything ever again.  No, not don't do anything new.  Tons of people never do anything new each and every day.  It's time to consider total inertia as an option for your future.  Doubtless your client's failure to respond mean that think a rock could have done a better job writing what you turn in, and maybe it is time to stop thinking of all you can accomplish and time to start thinking of how living as a solid state block of matter can help you avoid future disappointments.


Remember, you can't do well all the time.  So embrace the mediocrity and failure that has come to pass.

 Unless the client just made simple mistake and still loves your work, but didn't have time to get back to you.  In which case, you're totally fine and can ignore the advice previously given.

Ramping Up For The Big Game--er--Contest: Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers

Okay, things are finally getting back on track.

As I've mentioned before, I've been sick, my kid is teething, and my wife was hospitalized and needs gall bladder surgery early next month.

But otherwise things are on track--writing wise that is.

I've got a small time gig doing a blog for a BBQ catering company which doesn't take too much time, but provides a little pocket money.  My brother and I have been building up the One More Rewrite Podcast.  I get a little work here and there.  One of my bigger hopes comes in the form of a job I applied for but am still waiting to hear back if I made the cut.  I hope so.  I could use the money, it sounds like fun, and it would be a nice way to get my name out there.  So, what do I have on the agenda for April.

The Beginning of the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Contest.

I hope you read that in a deep, echoed voice with lots of reverb.  Because that's how it sounds to me when I read it.  This is hands down, one of my favorite writing contests to prepare for.  In previous years I've thought about doing it.  I did a little leg work but didn't follow through.  There was always an excuse not to do it, always something that sounded like a reasonable argument for me not to do it.  Well, I am tired of being one of my biggest detractors.  This year I plan on submitting again.  I have managed to pull it off once before, get a draft in on time to enter.  I even paid the extra fees to get an evaluation of the work and see what else I needed to do with it.  There was some real beneficial feedback there, but I didn't get the polish I wanted in time.  The frustrating thing was that it seemed the three judges really liked the chapter I submitted, but because I had a bevy of grammatical errors, I did not make it as a finalist.  I got the sense that I could have made it had I given myself more time.  Had I just pushed myself rather than settling.

Well, that was years ago and I have been pushing myself harder ever since.  I will no longer settle for just a some nice compliments and a nudge that I need to do better on the basics.  I will get in as a finalist, at least I hope so.  I will not give up on hope until I get the manuscript back that says that I need more work.  Until that point, anything is possible.  If you are out here in Colorado or are interested in the writing contest  experience, take a gander at their site here:

If you are interested:

 http://rmfw.org/contest/

A word to fellow writers considering submitting for this or other such contests.  I can only speak for myself (obviously) but....

Having sprung for the extra bucks to have the evaluation of my manuscript, it was definitely worth it.  My world was not shattered, my heart was not crushed, and my dreams were not dashed by the pen marks and lengthy comments left by the judges.  I also don't want to say something arrogant or self-aggrandizing like, "It grew me so much as a writer," or "I've been enlightened by the experience," or some other horse-hockey meant to make me look like I've reached the next stage of pok-e'-lution for my particular pokemon type.  The comments were solid, they pointed out where I made mistakes (and not just in grammar) and I hope that I'm not too silly as to make the same plotting and characterization errors in the future.  I'd rather be nervous that I'm going to screw-up, and therefore pour over a creative writing piece again and again than spend time patting my own back over how well I adapted to criticism.

I will move forward with my creative writing, try to distance myself from it but still care for it as my own, proof read the final outcome, and then send it off while hoping and praying for the best.  Time to get the ball rolling on that first draft for my story.



Of course, this is when the self-doubt really begins...

Over-thinking the Issue of Sickness

So, I have a shot at a job that I would really like which would provide some cash as well as exposure to a potential new community of readers.  Good stuff happening, I am energized and rarin' to go as they say--whoever they are.  Only one problem.  My gut aches, my nose has a drip like a broken faucet, and I feel generally awful health-wise at a time when I need to be on my "A Game."

Life has challenges, and I've had my share, and the old man down the street's share, and maybe a couple of people from another country who I've never met share.  Not complaining, just saying my past health issues caused more stumbling blocks in my life than I would have thought possible.  Even though I am approaching my 5 year anniversary for my liver transplant, I still get knots in my stomach any time I feel a headache coming on.  Why?  Because truth be told, I am impatient to get where I want to be in life and getting sick in the past has caused everything (up until a year and a half ago when my daughter was born) to slow up.  I had learned many lessons on patience, waiting, and being still when I least wanted to.  The thing is, now that I've had a taste for what it is like to live life without the brakes getting thrown on all the time due to sickness, I have started to become impatient in ways that I thought I had learned otherwise.  I guess the learning never stops, eh?

I really want to be done with being sick, like, forever.  Sometimes it's hard to have proper perspective when I come down with something.  I want to keep pushing myself.  I want to take advantage of every second that some illness doesn't have me flat on my back.  Even if it would be in my best interests to lie down for a bit.  Sometimes I even plot out my week if I feel a cold coming on and just how far I can push myself before I totally crash.

I've begun to over think what I'm going to do when I get sick.  I honestly don't know whether this is a good thing or not.  

On the one hand, it gives me slight advantages for the times that I do get sick.  I can implement a plan as soon as that first tissue hits my nose.  I know how much I can dose myself up with supplements that will make my body fight the cold that much better while not totally gut-bombing myself with vitamins.  (Although that did happen early on).

On the other hand, I don't take the time to rest that my body needs, so I have a lingering cold or aches when I might have otherwise finished up with said cold.  It's a back and forth debate for me every time, just how can I push my body to keep going when a nap or hot shower would do a world of good?  

I probably should wrap this up.  It's nearly 2am where I am, and I have to be up in a few hours.  I still feel sick.  I wish I could take a break and had the luxury of lounging.  Sickness means lost time though, and I feel like I've had enough of that already.  Maybe I need to dwell on sickness a little less though.  Back off the plans and the contingencies.  Slow up the pounding back of vitamins and Airborne when I feel something coming on.  

Or maybe I just need to stop talking about how being sick affects me and get back to work.