The Encroaching Horror of Clutter (Junk Journal Update #3)

I try so hard to not let the the general clutter of my apartment get to me.  "After all," I say to myself dutifully, "You have a child now and that means sometimes your home will get a bit untidy.  Everyone in the world experiences that, so it's no biggie.  Just deal with it."

Thanks for your lack of understanding brain.  This is exactly why I am writing the Junk Journals in the first place.

The problem is when I'm trying to work, trying to be creative, or even trying to do edits for my book on de-junking I get easily distracted when the clutter reaches a certain point.  I've spent months not only getting material for my Junk Journal book, but doing actual de-cluttering and cleaning as well.  However, with all of the cleaning has come an unforeseen consequence.  No, I'm not turning into a neat freak.  Perish the thought!  Rather, I've reached a new low-level of tolerance for paper piles, out-of-place knick-knacks, and dirty dishes.  Yes, this means when I straighten up things tend to look a whole world better than they did just a year ago; that doesn't mean I don't annoyed by it though.

How it looks...

How it feels

Truthfully, I feel like...well when I see a mess that's growing out of hand I feel like....

like....

KHAAAAAAAAAANNNN'T TAKE THIS MESS!

Pretty much.  I know it seems like I've gone to the dark side if that's my reaction to clutter.  Fear not though my fair followers of the type B path.  I think you know what I'm talking about when it comes to clutter that makes me reach a breaking point.  We may say that we are okay with a little bit of mess, or joke that our piles are "organized how we want them."  Truth is though we'll be heading to the coffee shops and libraries in a heartbeat to get out creative work done if those piles make the fatal mistake of getting too big or getting too unorganized.  

In fact, this has happened so many times, even after all the de-junking that I'll likely make a chapter in the book on how to deal with day to day clutter that occurs after the great-clean up in your own home takes place.  As it stands now though, for me general clutter is like an encroaching horror like something out of a Boris Karloff movie.  I get filled with a sense of looming dread as things stack up and piles appear.  I know they must be dealt with, I know that I need to take care of them and put them in the tomb--file folders and boxes I mean--that they belong to.  For now though, even after doing a thorough cleaning, I just want to escape when clutter rears its ugly head.

What's that you say?  

Why don't I just spend some time picking up the mess?

What a type A thing to say...oh, and...

Hahahah...

*catches breath*

That's a good one!  Ya got any more jokes like that?

How to Feel Terrible: When a Client Disappears Edition

What do you make of it in the world of freelance writing when a client goes from enthusiastic communication loving your work and wanting more....

to total radio silence, so-to-speak?


Panic

Obviously you did something wrong and they hate you now.  They probably spend hours throwing darts at pictures they imagine look like you rather than do a quick check in to say what is going on and if they are going to continue to use your work.  Make sure you have a stack of paper lunch sacks nearby to hyperventilate into.  Likely you'll blow through a few of them while you decide your next move.  Maybe you should contact them five or six times in the next hour, just to let them know how much you love working for them.  If you need to cry, don't do it on the keyboard as it could short out.


Obsess Over the Details of the Last Thing You Gave Them

Did you have spelling errors?  Probably.  Could that one sentence have been more tightly written? Definitely.  Remember, everything can be done better, especially your last project.  It may be too late to turn in a new version, but that doesn't mean the worrying and obsessing about what has been done should stop.  In fact, it's time to ramp those doubts up to ten on the worry scale!  Stop being satisfied that you did your best and start really considering what it means to fail.  The closing ideas you had for a review?  That was probably terrible.  You transitions from one point to the next?  Those were also likely abysmal.  Don't even get started thinking about your usage of commas.  Not only did you more than likely screw that up, but the client is likely sharing your travesty of comma use around the office and with total strangers.


Count Your Failures

The age old adage about "Counting your blessings" is a lie, and you know it.  So why not count up your failures instead?  No, I'm not talking about that last assignment or job offer you tried out for.  I am talking about everything that you can possibly remember that you failed at.  Your choice to have spaghetti the other day was a disaster from the get go and you know it.  That time you thought about leaving your "safe" Joe job to pursue your dreams?  What a mistake that turned out to be, right?  In high school, yes, they really were  all looking at you and wondering why another human being would comb their hair and dress that way.    That time in kindergarten when you colored outside the lines? Yes, even that can be counted against you when it comes to the failure tally.  You need to dig deep when it comes to this one.  Think hard now, do you remember those first steps you took as a baby?  You can be pretty sure your parents hung their heads in shame when your diapered duff hit the floor before you even managed to plant one foot in front of the other.


Right about now you should be in the fetal position sucking your thumb.

Never Try Anything Ever Again

Don't do anything ever again.  No, not don't do anything new.  Tons of people never do anything new each and every day.  It's time to consider total inertia as an option for your future.  Doubtless your client's failure to respond mean that think a rock could have done a better job writing what you turn in, and maybe it is time to stop thinking of all you can accomplish and time to start thinking of how living as a solid state block of matter can help you avoid future disappointments.


Remember, you can't do well all the time.  So embrace the mediocrity and failure that has come to pass.

 Unless the client just made simple mistake and still loves your work, but didn't have time to get back to you.  In which case, you're totally fine and can ignore the advice previously given.

Which Way to the Yelling Room?

Pressure provides an excellent motivator in almost all things.  You want to be pushed to do more, excel in what you can, and try your hardest in all you do.

At least until everything starts to pile up and you need to scream.

You know, to relieve tension and such.

Since college I have learned to not only work well under the pressure of a dozen things going on at once, but also learned how to thrive when it happens.  The upside was that even with getting sick (this was pre-transplant), long hours for school studies, and what I will term "wacky" scheduling from the management of my old retail job; I was getting things done.  I was working on my writing, doing the odd freelance job, and trying to keep up the cleanliness of my home.  The only downside, it seemed, was that things would come crashing down the minute I was hospitalized and too sick to work on projects.  Naturally, all the juggling balls don't juggle themselves, and the moment you step away everything falls apart.  However, nearly 5 years away from that liver transplant, and I realize that something else was happening during those years when I had so much going on.

I was getting hooked on having too much to do.

Odd thing to say, but I think it is possible to get addicted to having a full to the brim plate of ideas, projects, and chores to work on.  On the one hand, it keeps you from being lazy and you are forced to not waste time.  On the other hand, you never really have free time to relax, so you can get hyper stressed at the drop of a hat.  I have decided I would like the best of both worlds, please?

I need to have that pressure to keep me working, keep me on task, but not so much that I wish I had a third bedroom at home just so I could have protracted screaming sessions to alleviate stress.  What I want is knowing that I have things to do during the day, but at the end of the day have accomplished them for the most part.   Funny thing, this is more type A then type B.  I guess my type B tendecies come out in that I am always thinking of something new and exciting to do--but the type A side pops in and says it must be done by day's end or I've failed to get things done for the day.   I want to have a day where I don't feel rushed, but also don't feel like I could be a lump and just waste a few hours and not have it effect things.  (Barring vacations of course, because we all need time off.  I'm talking strictly the daily grind type stuff.)

So anywho, which way to the yelling room?  Because it would appear between a fantastic job opportunity (if I get it), personal projects with the Junk Journals, hoped for work from a revitalized CaptainKYSO, and my work on creative writing projects for my children's fantasy novels--I'm a little busy and have a full plate.

I guess last week was the right, wrong week to get sick.  But it's okay.  Because sometimes a bit of pressure, even extreme pressure, can be a good thing.

Easy Come, Easy Go: Writing Job Woes

Six hundred-plus words written, possibly for naught.  Even in the world of freelance writing gigs that sometimes is a hard blow.  I was so certain that this one job that I got through a freelance writing site was going to deliver a steady few bucks each week. I don't mean that in a cocky way, just that I was offered a trial spot, was given a prompt and told to write something short. So, I wrote a 600 word article, sent it off, and....a week later I still hadn't heard anything back.

So I did a bit of poking around, and by poking around I mean I went to the website that had said they were going to hire me, but wanted to test my skills first.  There on the site I find an article with a theme similar to the prompt I was given that went up two days after they said that they were likely to hire me.  Now, opportunities come and go in this business.  Sometimes sure things are not so sure, some times you land something semi-steady.  Sometimes you see stuff dry up.  There are feast times and famine times.  I guess I would call this "food snatched off the plate times" if I had to put a name to it.  Funny thing is it would not bother me as much if I had been told by the client that they went another direction--like, incredibly short copy.

I wrote 600 words and spent a few hours on my article.  The article they went with on the site was roughly 150 and is something I could punch out in roughly 30 minutes. 

That kinda stings.  

Funny enough I put in that many hours, sometimes more, when I do an article for another freelance site where I am not even trying to do a contract.  You basically follow a writing prompt, put the work out there, and hope the client likes it.  Sometimes you wait weeks (or months depending on your place in the que) to here back on whether they've bought the post, seen the post, or rejected the post.  Maybe it is a pressure thing.  There is no pressure when I write those blog posts.  They may take it, they may not.  My feelings are not hurt either way.  However, I guess it hurts a little when you actually contact the person and talk to them rather than do all business anonymously.  

On to other projects I suppose.

The Junk Journals go well.  I think I've reached the end of what I can actually pare down in my home (for the time being) and now I have to take these numerous notes, essays, and observances and see if they work as well as I hope for self-help book to post on Amazon.  Maybe it will go well, maybe it will not see the light of day as sometimes happens with creative projects.  Either way, things are what they are.  I have my hopes for other projects, but I don't always want to talk about those things in a public way.  You have to keep some stuff to yourself until it is ready.  Right?

Anywho.  I'm working on another writing tips/advice article for tomorrow, so I hope to "see" you again tomorrow.  Talk to you then!

The Importance of Distraction While Being Creative

Crazy thought here, but I think it's important to have stuff going on around you while you are trying to get something creative done. Whether it's a sketch for tee shirt contest, outlining a story, painting a painting...or working on a blog.

Having distraction around you can be a good thing.  Whether it is a bit of too interesting music, a list of chores that you keep thinking about that needs doing, or a child that needs attention or whatever; having these things going on in the background can be helpful.  Now, I'm not advocating working in a full on hurricane, but what I am saying is that if you are doing something creative that requires a bit of concentration, having constant distractions can actually help you to grow in your creativity.

Between building up a movie podcast and blog with my brother, writing a kids book, trying to be diligent in getting content made for this blog, a gaming blog in the works, not to mention the freelance work I do here and there--things have been busy.  And the midst of that busyness there has been plenty of opportunity to learn this same lesson over and over and over again.  If you can't get the fun stuff done when the world seems to be blaring a trumpet in your ear, how can you be expected to do it in those craved for quiet moments?  And what if those moments never come?

You could spend all day pining for those perfect moments to be creative.  You might imagine yourself looking up from a drawing board, sketch pad, a notepad, or a laptop as you look out a window and think some grandiose thought about the human condition or what-have-you.  You pensively stroke your chin, knowing that a profound bit of artistry is on the verge of emerging from your ever fertile brain.  The only problem is that you've been waiting all day for this mythical moment and that bright, sunny light is a street lamp and the grandiose thought is actually you contemplating having a bowl of popcorn while binge watching something rather than working on the stuff you were planning on doing all day.  What's the point of trying after all, the best inspirational moments have passed.  They were gobbled up like so much else of your day.

The problem isn't really that you don't have the time though or that the "really good thoughts" have been used up for the day.  The problem is you didn't buckle down during the distracting parts.  Those awesome, chin-stroking moments were available to you all day long, you just had to not let the distractions win.

It's a constant struggle to get the ideal moment that we dream of. I'm not saying that they never happen, or that they are a rare thing.  What I am saying is that if you can't get yourself to thinking creatively, to be imaginative against the relentless press of the mundane--then how do you expect to have the discipline or ability to fully appreciate when the perfect moments do come along?  What will it matter to you if the sun is shining as you look out the window onto the most inspirational scene imaginable if that becomes the norm for your creative time?  Yes, we need to take full advantage when they come along, but we also need to be ready for the hard push that will come before those perfect moments.

I guess for myself I've started to learn to appreciate those moments a bit more and learned to push myself to be creative even when the world seems to be coming hectic and unglued.  If I hadn't started to learn to be creative during the distracting times, then the quiet moment like the one I am enjoying as I write this would seem less special to me.

Distraction is helpful.

Taking the Long Road to Short Trips (Part II)

      So, as I said before, I don't want to waste my life or the time given to me.  I want to utilize my ability to write both so I can engage in fun, entertaining creative endeavors.  I would also like to use my writing in a practical way to help provide for my family and put away a little at a time for my daughter's college fund.  To that end, I need to start "producing more product" so-to-speak.  I need to get more basic writing jobs and I need to work more on the creative projects that I love.  However, I have a huge stumbling block to this as I mentioned before, which is the knick-knack-paddy-whack-junk-and-stuff that is around my home.  So now that I'm over a year out from my last day at my retail job and have the opportunity to work from home, I find myself doing more work ON the home than in it, in a manner of speaking.  Why not just ignore it?  Why not get some work done that I want to get done?

     Well, this is the work I want to get done, because if I don't then I can't get work done.  Do you get what I mean?  It's not just a general lack of focus or drive, it's that I can't get from point A to point B without actually travelling over that distance.  For me, that distance involves my share, and what seems like several other people's share, of cleaning and de-cluttering.  I want to know that when I look up from my writing the only things that will be really vying for my attention will be my daughter's baby photos and a small (VERY small) collection of oddities that I have long used for inspiration while writing.  Personally, I feel like in the end whatever writing I get done won't feel nearly as fulfilling as it could if I know that I can't unwind at the end of the day because I have cleaning to do.  For the record, I know that with a little one in the house, there will always be cleaning to do.  But there are things that should have been dealt with a while ago that I could never get to thanks to the former job.  Now it may sound like I am laying a large amount of blame on that job for a messy home, and yeah, oh heck yeah I am.  This will be something I talk about in my Junk Journal book.  The truth is it agrevates me both at the old retail job and at myself for letting it get to me.  I allowed the old job to make me chase after countless doo-dads and thing-a-ma-bobs as a distraction.  Although I had a freelance writing job with a tee shirt company (an opportunity that I am still ever-grateful for), I never got in writing of any other sort.  I wasn't putting nearly as much as I wanted to into the career that I really wanted to follow.

So now that I have this opportunity to keep moving forward in my writing career, why choose to slow down for stuff that built the basis for holding me back?  Why occupy my time with this junk around me rather than writing?  Well, in one of life's ironic twists, I have something to write about as I come out of the experience.  I want to de-clutter and clean up, but I need the catharsis and closure that will also come with writing about the junk that I am donating and disposing of.  If I just toss it out whole sale in attempt to be done with it, I feel like that will be the old way, the old, terrible job winning in the end.  Not only would it have robbed me of time with my family, time building my career, but it will have given me nothing to show for it.  So I guess that is my writing lesson to be shared for the day.  All those cliches' about writing from your pain and frustration have some truth to them.

I could probably write a whole book about the daily struggles that my past health issues gave me.  I could do a mini-series on what it was like those final months leading up to the liver transplant that saved my life.  Maybe some day I will write more about that.  What I need to write about now is the long road that I am I taking.  Ah, the post title, now I finally get to it, right?  I am taking the long road of frustration and annoyance and heartache that will come from going through all this junk.  But I choose it because it is the only way it can be done.  In the end I will end up with shorter trips to the ol' writing table or whatever metaphor best fits here.  It may sound silly to keep thinking about how the former retail job pushed itself into my life, but it ate away at me just as much as my liver disease and declining health did. In a way, that retail job took much more and gave far less then my sickness did.  But whatever little good that it did, I am going to squeeze what I can from it and write about it as best I can.

   

Taking the Long Road to Short Trips (Part I)

I don't want to waste my life.  I want to get things done.

I mean, who doesn't?  I want to be able to enjoy my down time.  Again, who doesn't?  But the fact is that I can't get things done (things being writing projects) and I can't enjoy my down time to its fullest with the random boxes of junk that I have lying around my apartment.  Well, to be clear it isn't like they are lining the halls and spilling out of the closets.  They are tucked away in my bedroom and in the bedroom closet.  Safely out of site, and out of mind.

But they aren't out of mind.  Not really.  For a while now I've had these things sitting in the bedroom, taking up space, and generally just sort of being there.  It probably wouldn't bother me nearly as much if I was still working my terrible retail job or working the theater job.  (That one was awesome, so I won't knock it.)   However, now that I am doing writing from home as my full time job, my home is my office.  The dirty corners and untidy areas are my work space and my job site.  Okay, true enough I don't stuff myself in the closet with my laptop in order to get my writing done, but the mental effect the untidiness has on me does effect how well I concentrate on my writing and how much output I can expect from myself on a daily basis.  So to that end I've been spending more time the past couple of weeks working on my "Junk Journals" book project and de-cluttering my home.  Good.  A bit of irony with this continued work on decluttering is that I haven't had a chance to really do any "for me" writing.  Oh sure, I've been working on my job related copy writing things, gotta keep limber.  But I just haven't put in the time lately that I want to on getting writing things done.

I want to say more about this, but the truth is it is kinda late and I am tired.

Doing Five Things at Once, None of Them is getting Sleep

So, I worked a bit more on blog entries for Bloggmutt, searched out jobs on Odesk (nothing hilarious to report sorry to say), watched the little one and read stories to her, did some basic cleaning, and made meals for the family.  It was a full day, and looks like it will have to keep going strong in order to make me feel like I've gotten somewhere.  Part of me would really like to call it quits for the night and just play some Nintendo, but if I do that then the articles won't get written.  I've tried talking to them about it, begged the writing to be more self-sufficient and the like, but they just don't seem to want to get done on their own.  Despite the busy levels I'm experiencing, I keep thinking I need to get more sleep at night in order to be productive.  I am getting tired and unable to function much past midnight anymore, which for an insomniac means a whole lot of brainless Star Trek Deep Space 9 Watching and whole lot of not getting work done.  Sometimes I indulge in a bit of gaming, but for the most part it feels like I am not really up to working as late as I use to while I was in college.  But the thing is, it hasn't as much to do with physical tiredness as much as it has to do with needing an extended break.

Allow me to clarify what I mean by needing a break.  I don't just mean that I'm using late night as my break time during the day, or night rather.  I guess what I mean is that I feel like I need an extended break from how my life had been for the past several years.  Just a few years ago I was working 30-40 hours at a retail job that was pretty insidious in its treatment of me, going to college full time, slowly dying of liver disease, and trying to work on my own writing from time to time. When I finally was transplanted a few years ago, I still had the soul-stealing job and abysmal hours.  The few upshots were that I had a second chance at life and I had a secondary job doing creative write ups for a tee shirt company called CaptainKYSO.  Great working for them, I hope they make a comeback soon.  However, I only could squeeze in a little time with my wife from time to time, was still trying to find ways to squeeze in working on my own writing projects, and was generally missing out on church activities thanks to the evil job.  Now though, I get to work from home doing my writing and trying to find writing jobs, and I get to spend more time with my wife then I did when we were first married, I get to be a dad to an adorable little girl...and the list goes on.  So things are definitely looking up, more than they have in a long time.  I still am busy, not quite as much as before, but busy in a better way.

True, I need to work harder to help make ends meet, but it is much more satisfying working jobs here and there doing what I love then getting steady work doing stuff I hate.  I can fill up my day in ways that are satisfying and when I end up being up late and not getting sleep, it is on my terms and not out of necessity.  I could go back to having a hectic schedule if I wanted to impose that on myself.  For right now though, juggling five things on a daily basis feels like taking a break.  You've heard the old saying that sleep is over-rated?  Well, in my case it feels true.  But not because I am seeing my life bled away by a horrible job, bad health, and lack of joyful things to take part in.  This period right now, busy as it is, feels like a period of blessing and I don't want to take it for granted by sleeping it away.  Yeah, I might be groggy through some portions, but it's a welcome weariness.  If that makes sense.

Anywho, I promised my wife I we'd watch "The Wind Rises" tonight, so I think that this may be the last bit of writing for the evening.  

Finding Focus While Writing

It's difficult to just up and try to write roughly several hundred words about a vast variety of topics.  Pretty succinct and simple way of putting it, isn't it?  But the truth is searching out jobs on craigslist and through various freelance writing sites carries a large weight of ever daunting difficult.  So many thoughts and ideas float through my mind as I search, write, and hope for the best possible outcome when submitting job proposals and writing samples.

"Do I know this subject well enough to write several hundred words about it?"
"Is this worth my time, or should I be looking elsewhere?"
"Are they seriously only going to pay $500 for some one to write a 50k original story to which they don't maintain the rights?  And am I crazy for thinking that this sounds stupid?"
"Am I selling my creative genius for a pittance?"

Okay, I know that the last one might sound a bit egotistical, but the truth of the matter is, what if I land upon a really clever, original idea for a book series for children or some smart idea for a series of books for adults, but practically give it away for a few hundred bucks?  I'm not talking about accidentally selling off something near Narnia or Lord of the Rings level, but you never know, now do you?  Now, again, this isn't some sort of ego thing, just...well, I would hate to accidentally sell the security of my families future just so I'd have a little extra cash that month to help pay the bills.  Now don't get me wrong, paying bills is an important thing to do.  Not missing student loan payments and getting those credit cards paid off is a high priority in our household.  However, I'd rather have to subsist on mac and cheese and spaghetti than run the potential risk of selling what I know to be a great idea.  I know, I know.  Maybe I'm just over-estimating my own potential and abilities.  But who wants to sell themselves too short on their hopes and dreams?  However, I know that my hopes, dreams, and even teh side projects are going to keep only being nothing but vapor unless I get a bit more focus, and that's where today's post comes in.

I guess I need to be a little more "type A" in my life.  Now, that fills me with a bit of dread and concern because I don't want to because I'm lazy and would rather scarf chips and watch movies in my free time. Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but the truth is that I have come to realize I need to be eating into what I see now as my "free time" if I really want to make any forward movement in my hopes for the future.  I need to be trying to be a bit more action oriented when it comes to getting the ball rolling on my writing projects or else I WILL end up bungling a great idea and selling it for a song--or a few bucks.  A part of me doesn't want to have to give up time that I would rather be relaxing because I have known so little relaxation in the past decade it seems.  Between my own major health issues (which are thankfully now resolved) to a horrible, life-sucking grocery-store job--I've come to covet my spare time.  Made an "idol" as it were out of it.  I don't want to disappoint my family or God by just letting my talents go to waste.  Again, sounds all vain, but I feel like it is true.

Funny enough, it is helpful that I am trying to blog more often, because it gets me at the keyboard trying to "stretch" the writing muscles beyond the usual work that I have been doing.  Not that I have been idle, just it has been too easy of late to kick back and movie watch rather than get anything I really want to get done, done.  Speaking of which,  I feel like this is about a good place to wrap up this particular journal.  My little girl may wake up from her nap soon, and I want to get a bit further in the Junk Journals that I am writing, superficially on de-junking end of things.  Any-who, I'll catch ya later!