The Encroaching Horror of Clutter (Junk Journal Update #3)

I try so hard to not let the the general clutter of my apartment get to me.  "After all," I say to myself dutifully, "You have a child now and that means sometimes your home will get a bit untidy.  Everyone in the world experiences that, so it's no biggie.  Just deal with it."

Thanks for your lack of understanding brain.  This is exactly why I am writing the Junk Journals in the first place.

The problem is when I'm trying to work, trying to be creative, or even trying to do edits for my book on de-junking I get easily distracted when the clutter reaches a certain point.  I've spent months not only getting material for my Junk Journal book, but doing actual de-cluttering and cleaning as well.  However, with all of the cleaning has come an unforeseen consequence.  No, I'm not turning into a neat freak.  Perish the thought!  Rather, I've reached a new low-level of tolerance for paper piles, out-of-place knick-knacks, and dirty dishes.  Yes, this means when I straighten up things tend to look a whole world better than they did just a year ago; that doesn't mean I don't annoyed by it though.

How it looks...

How it feels

Truthfully, I feel like...well when I see a mess that's growing out of hand I feel like....

like....

KHAAAAAAAAAANNNN'T TAKE THIS MESS!

Pretty much.  I know it seems like I've gone to the dark side if that's my reaction to clutter.  Fear not though my fair followers of the type B path.  I think you know what I'm talking about when it comes to clutter that makes me reach a breaking point.  We may say that we are okay with a little bit of mess, or joke that our piles are "organized how we want them."  Truth is though we'll be heading to the coffee shops and libraries in a heartbeat to get out creative work done if those piles make the fatal mistake of getting too big or getting too unorganized.  

In fact, this has happened so many times, even after all the de-junking that I'll likely make a chapter in the book on how to deal with day to day clutter that occurs after the great-clean up in your own home takes place.  As it stands now though, for me general clutter is like an encroaching horror like something out of a Boris Karloff movie.  I get filled with a sense of looming dread as things stack up and piles appear.  I know they must be dealt with, I know that I need to take care of them and put them in the tomb--file folders and boxes I mean--that they belong to.  For now though, even after doing a thorough cleaning, I just want to escape when clutter rears its ugly head.

What's that you say?  

Why don't I just spend some time picking up the mess?

What a type A thing to say...oh, and...

Hahahah...

*catches breath*

That's a good one!  Ya got any more jokes like that?

Renewed Hope: Is it worth it?

As I sit here, I've become aware that my previous guesses about the individual (company?) that I sent an application for a writing job to was as swamped as I thought with another project and now is playing catch up with other ones.  So I have renewed hope that I will be getting a "call back," or whatever one might phrase it as, for this job.  Again, I want to remain vague about it because of several reasons:

1. It might be a NDA type deal where gabbling about details for the project are strictly taboo and would jeopardize the client's trust and or potential future jobs with said client.
2. I don't want to get unecessarily hyped up for really cool job that may not happen.  
3. If the job falls through/my secondary submission did not make the cut, I want to edit that submission and possibly use it in a future project if the client allows me to do so.  
4. I like to hedge my bets, so I've been trying to work ahead, at least in the research department, so that should I get selected for the job I will have a short turn around time for the "boss" of the project.  I'd rather be ready to go and firing on all pistons than trying to hit the ground running, but from behind....does that metaphor make sense?

So this leads me to a little life lesson that hopefully is chock full of condescension, pretension, elevation, and any other "-tions or sions" I may have missed.  Kidding aside, I want to make it clear that there's never a reason to give up hope on what can be done with a project.  Does the client cancel?  No biggie, just use what you've learned, and maybe even the work as well and turn it into a funny story or resume' enhancer.  Or maybe re-purpose it for later use.  As I slowly reclaim myself from the abyss that was my old retail job I am remembering the optimism I used to have over situations even when they seemed bad or turned out other than I had hoped.

I don't care if it sounds schmaltzy to say, but I will remain hopeful even when it seems the foolish and silly thing to do.  Heck, even if I don't get this particular job, that doesn't mean I can't try again later to try and get a job with this guy, and it doesn't mean that I've lost the chance to work on anything ever again and for all time.  I think while I was working that crummy job in the past, it tended to blindside me with such horrible things and poor treatment from management on a daily basis that I saw every failure as total closure of possible routes and futures.  It was a terrible thing to happen because in addition to the pervasive awfulness of the job, I tended to think one failure was all it took to either be at square one, or think that I should never try certain things ever again.

Different outlook now?  Yes and no.   As I said, I used to have a more upbeat, "keep-on-a-tryin'" attitude prior to the retail job going full evil mode.  I hope that if you read this and are in an awful job, have people in your life that scoff at being hopeful, or feel like every one else is living it up while your stuck in the doldrums--please try to get away from those bad influences and start anew.  I know it doesn't seem possible if you feel stuck in an awful job, but trust some one who knows from experience.  Such places can keep you from realizing your full potential.  If you're scared of what might happen if you leave, try even harder to get away from there.

It's easier to deal with fear of the unknown that it is to deal with a lifetime of regret.

To Contact or To Wait

So.

Enough time has passed since I applied for a certain job but have not heard back yet that I am beginning to wonder if I should contact the person in charge and see if they went with another person for the job.  However, it might just be that they have been busy with aspects of another project so they have not gotten around to contacting me yet.  This is where I am holding out hope at the moment.  That the job I could potentially get is something that was back-burnered for a time until the other project had wrapped.  As of a few hours ago, that project was nearly wrapped up.  The potential employer sent a tweet saying that they project was nearly complete, and now here sit.  Waiting.  Worrying.  And feeling large degrees of uncertainty and sadness.

I am now beginning to triple guess the writing sample that I sent along.  Did I pick the wrong subject matter?  Did I misunderstand the nature of the call-back?  Am I the one who botched it because I did not follow up in time? Is it time to assume that I am no longer in the running?  Did I not showcase my abilities well enough?

So many questions, and so much self-doubt.  Partially, I wish I had not tied so much on whether or not I would get this job.  I've had other jobs in the past that paid on more consistent basis and were closer to the creative writing that I so love and hope to produce a children's novel for.  But I really wanted this job.  I haven't had the opportunity to pursue opportunities--so to speak--until the past year or so.

I truly don't know what to do in this situation, and it is driving me crazy with worry that I'm going to make or have already made the wrong decision.  Reach out and contact?  Have patience and see what happens?  Hyperventilate or be cool as a cucumber.  (For the record, I don't really hyperventilate, but feel like if I worked on it I probably could make a fair attempt at such a thing.)

I will be good for now.  Good and patient and see what happens next.  But man, I really want to contact the potential employer.

Connections Oddly Felt: Exhausted Youtubers Edition

Jester's Note:  I started this entry a couple of weeks ago, but this was the beginning of several weeks of me, my wife, and my kid to a degree; getting sick and feeling off.  All of this has culminated in my wife needing gallbladder surgery that she'll be getting fairly soon.  I tried coming back to this particular blog and getting a feel for where I was at, but the truth is so much has happened since then and I need to make sure I am keeping my schedule up for my freelancer jobs.  Not that I plan on abandoning this blog, just that I haven't spent as much time as I normally would editing this as I don't want to screw up my own narrative.  I haven't looked at this post in a couple of weeks.

Anywho, things are finally getting on track, but I am a little tired and glad to finally be catching up:

So here is that post from couple weeks ago:



Weird envy and contemplation have mixed into a brew of wistful regret and determination today.

Funny how you can suddenly feel connected to a person you've never met when their circumstances mirror your own.  I mean, we experience connections to time to time with our close friends and family when they have stuff happen that parellels our own life, right?  Everything from growing up  so it is not totally unfimiliar to feel a connection to a person when they experience something that you find familiar.  Saturday morning cartoons and cereal.  Going to Chuck E. Cheese.  Renting Nintendo games.  These are just a few of the experiences I think are semi-universal for people in the 20-30's bracket like me.

However, there are certain experiences that I have had in life which I know very, very few people can relate to.  Sometimes I think friends forget or don't realize how much these "experiences" have effected my life, the way I live, the way I can live, and the choices I have made and will make.  I have been sick most of my life and in and out of hospitals since when I was a little younger than 10.  I've had my insides removed, re-sectioned, and poked and prodded more times than I care to recount.  I had more surgeries by the time I turned 30 than most people have had when they are twice my age.  It is almost like a boast, if racking up hospital debt that still effects my family to this day were something a person actually wanted to boast about.  Now, I don't mention this for "pity party" purposes. Just an acknowledgment that because of my continued health issues I have not had the opportunity to be as productive or had the same energy level as my peers.  All the health stuff culminated in liver transplant surgery in 2010.  I've been healthier-ish since, and am trying to get in even better shape than ever.  So things have been looking a bit up in the health department.  Sadly though the new liver did not come with a full refund of the years that I spent too sick on and off to do much.  It didn't magically mean the credit card was paid off.  It did not result in a new car.  (Shame too, because although a new lease on life is great and all, a new car behind door number one would have been nice as well).

Anywho, I felt oddly connected to two Youtube personalities I follow.  

Earlier today the gamer guy known as "Markiplier" posted a picture of himself to twitter.  He was laid up in a hospital bed with an NG tube up his nose and he looked a bit pale.  I guessed immediately what was going on even as he eluded to the issues being nothing serious.  Later in the day, he posted an update detailing what had happened to him, and I basically had guessed it spot on.  So hooray to me.  I have all too intimate knowledge of what was going on with the guy.  Not that this was something I really wanted to ever connect with some one about, because who wants to see another person go through that kind of pain and illness?  It made me think though that here is this guy who is not much younger than me going through situation similar to me...and he's successful and will overcome this and be back to his occupation of Youtube gamer soon.  I know to some that this might sound silly or something to poo-poo, but the guy is hilarious, engaging, and interesting to watch.  And obviously he is learning skills in video production and sound editing that will be of use later in life should he decide to stop doing the youtube thing.  Because from what I can tell, you need to be pumping out a fair amount of at least half-way decent content in order to make it on youtube.  Speaking of people who are pumping out content and practicing skills that will be transferable....

Another one of my favorite personalities to follow/watch on Youtube is Pat the NES Punk. It might sound like a goofy name, but that is part of the fun.  If you haven't seen his stuff before, check out his series "Flea Market Madness" in addition to his humorous reviews.  Low budget-schmo-budget, I'll take his stuff over whatever over-produced content IGN or Kotaku pumps out--but I digress. The point is, he put up a video the other day updating fans/followers of his Youtube channel on how things were going and tell them about upcoming content.  He's pretty much a one man crew pumping out a variety of content from retro game reviews, the "DIY" type show about hunting for game bargains in flea markets, a twice monthly podcast, and a retro game history show--to name just a few things.  The guy looks beat in the update video.  From what I can tell he's a pretty in shape guy, but even being fit doesn't give you limitless energy.  Again, in a way I felt like I could relate to what he was going through.  It was a video with apologies as much as updates, basically saying sorry that the behind the scenes work was not showing as results (as of yet) on his Youtube channel.  That's just the way it is though if you are the one doing it all while trying to maintain/build a brand and content.  I felt especially bad for the guy because there were a host of comments made about the video on how he "looked high" or my 'favorite,' "dead inside."  Just sad that people don't seem to grasp how much work can go in to the behind the scenes work of a project.  Authors don't pop out fully formed books that are totally edited and ready to eat up shelf space at your local bookstore.  Famous filmmakers don't magically make movies out of thin air.  Why should it be expected that a Youtube personality can just churn out incredible content like a machine?  I don't get it.  

But I do get a bit of hope from these guys stories.  Why do I get hopeful?

Well, it's hard some times to think about all the opportunities that I may have missed while sick.  I wanted time to myself to write my children's book.  I thought off and on about doing game reviews on the side.  I thought about doing my own blog to talk about writing and things I had learned about writing.  I thought about doing a podcast and even did some research into what microphones would work best.  I even thought about getting my own website on the side.  None of this happened though.  I just went to school.  Went to work.  

And...went to the hospital.

I was sick, needed a transplant, and got one.  I plan on having a much longer post on this come the anniversary in July, but in the mean time....

Things have changed quite a bit in my life over the past 18 months.  For starters, my beautiful little girl was born. And that was pretty much the big boost I needed to get started on those things that I had always just thought about doing.  So I've been getting freelance writing jobs, doing some personal writing, writing a kids book, working on a podcast with my brother, and in general working on my dreams in a way that I had begun to worry were slipping forever away from me.

Exhaustion inevitably comes with the territory.  I get that, and always assumed that. In a way this form of exhaustion--feeling tired because I get to chase my dreams full force--is something I've also had a chance to only dream about as time passed.  Weird to think of looking forward to getting tired and worn down, but I say without irony or cliche' that I have never been happier.  True, it leaves almost nothing for social life, which kinda sucks, but I don't want to just sit around talking about my plans unless I've actually been following through on them.  I don't want to be hypothesizing about the things that might happen in time.  Right now those things ARE happening for me as I write this.  How do I know this?  Because I AM writing this.  sitting at my computer, plugging away and taking a break from the writing jobs to wax on about how busy my life is and how it has been going.  Not meant as a brag, just me saying that I am happy to be exhausted in this way.

I wonder if those guys I mentioned are contented like this too.  Yeah, I'm exhausted, but I don't mind.
I'm getting to work on my dreams.

Speaking of which...
Time to get back to work.

How to Feel Terrible: When a Client Disappears Edition

What do you make of it in the world of freelance writing when a client goes from enthusiastic communication loving your work and wanting more....

to total radio silence, so-to-speak?


Panic

Obviously you did something wrong and they hate you now.  They probably spend hours throwing darts at pictures they imagine look like you rather than do a quick check in to say what is going on and if they are going to continue to use your work.  Make sure you have a stack of paper lunch sacks nearby to hyperventilate into.  Likely you'll blow through a few of them while you decide your next move.  Maybe you should contact them five or six times in the next hour, just to let them know how much you love working for them.  If you need to cry, don't do it on the keyboard as it could short out.


Obsess Over the Details of the Last Thing You Gave Them

Did you have spelling errors?  Probably.  Could that one sentence have been more tightly written? Definitely.  Remember, everything can be done better, especially your last project.  It may be too late to turn in a new version, but that doesn't mean the worrying and obsessing about what has been done should stop.  In fact, it's time to ramp those doubts up to ten on the worry scale!  Stop being satisfied that you did your best and start really considering what it means to fail.  The closing ideas you had for a review?  That was probably terrible.  You transitions from one point to the next?  Those were also likely abysmal.  Don't even get started thinking about your usage of commas.  Not only did you more than likely screw that up, but the client is likely sharing your travesty of comma use around the office and with total strangers.


Count Your Failures

The age old adage about "Counting your blessings" is a lie, and you know it.  So why not count up your failures instead?  No, I'm not talking about that last assignment or job offer you tried out for.  I am talking about everything that you can possibly remember that you failed at.  Your choice to have spaghetti the other day was a disaster from the get go and you know it.  That time you thought about leaving your "safe" Joe job to pursue your dreams?  What a mistake that turned out to be, right?  In high school, yes, they really were  all looking at you and wondering why another human being would comb their hair and dress that way.    That time in kindergarten when you colored outside the lines? Yes, even that can be counted against you when it comes to the failure tally.  You need to dig deep when it comes to this one.  Think hard now, do you remember those first steps you took as a baby?  You can be pretty sure your parents hung their heads in shame when your diapered duff hit the floor before you even managed to plant one foot in front of the other.


Right about now you should be in the fetal position sucking your thumb.

Never Try Anything Ever Again

Don't do anything ever again.  No, not don't do anything new.  Tons of people never do anything new each and every day.  It's time to consider total inertia as an option for your future.  Doubtless your client's failure to respond mean that think a rock could have done a better job writing what you turn in, and maybe it is time to stop thinking of all you can accomplish and time to start thinking of how living as a solid state block of matter can help you avoid future disappointments.


Remember, you can't do well all the time.  So embrace the mediocrity and failure that has come to pass.

 Unless the client just made simple mistake and still loves your work, but didn't have time to get back to you.  In which case, you're totally fine and can ignore the advice previously given.

"The Junk Journals" Official Update #1: Intros and Research

Here begins the journey....

I hope that sounds at least half as epic as I intend it to be.  Because even though I have a children's book in the works, I've been steadily plugging away at my Junk Journals project for several months now.  In fact, I believe I have enough material to start piecing stuff together into an actual book!

My self-help book venture will likely take several months of editing, re-editing, and of course, one more rewrite in order to get things all squared away.  In between then there could be slow downs and interruption as are want to happen.  I can't account for the adventures and mis-adventures that might befall me as I go into this project, but I want to be clear with anyone who might read this and eventually read the book that I intend to keep regular progress reports updating you on how things are going.

So what have I got for you today?

As you likely can tell from the title, I've been working on writing the introduction to the book and doing a bit of research for getting the book published as well.  Let me break both of those down really quick for you:

I am pretty sure I have enough material to create a framework upon which to get the overall novel put together.  However, I feel that unlike getting a novel put together, you have to introduce your reader to the nature of what it is they are about to read.  Whether a gripping and overly detailed historical examination of something or a self-help book like the Junk Journals will be, you have to lay out the basics.  I guess it shares a little something in common with writing a kids novel that way.  Get'em in  a basic way at the start of the book.

Anywho, I've written a first draft of that all-important introduction for the Junk Journals and I think it will help me get my footing on how I want the outline to look for the overall book.  So not only have I got a literal start on things, but I have given myself a helping hand in continuing the project to completion.  This isn't so much of a brag as a "Okay, as I work more on this, I give myself less and less excuses as to why it can't be done.  This is good thing as well since I cover the topic of procrastination within the book itself.  I hope overall that it does not take long to get a composed first draft of the overall book together.  But I am willing to admit as this is foreign territory to me, I might have to look up a "How to write a How to Book for Dummies."  If such a thing exists.

Then again, part of what I want to do with the book is not only offer a fresh take on the matter of de-cluttering one's home, but also change up the drab expectations a person might have when it comes to such books.  I want it to be engaging and personable and not come at the reader with an overly aggressive "oh just toss it all out" attitude.  This leads me to the other part of what I am currently doing with the project.

I am researching not just how to write a book about eliminating clutter, but I want to take the annoying bits from other bits that keep seeming to turn up and offer a perspective that might have otherwise been presented.  One of the attitudes that I see turn up quite often in these books so far is the idea that "just getting the job done" somehow translates into "hurry it up and finish."  From what I can tell cleaning isn't a race, or at least, not a very exciting one.  So I am currently spending free time here and there looking into what I feel were the mistakes made in other books when it comes to being pushy about getting you to de-junk your home.  So long as we aren't hoarders, there shouldn't be a problem with taking the time to do a job you can live with.

Anywho, before I get too distracted and make this update too long I wanted to let you know where I am at and how the project is coming along.  Thanks for taking the time to read this and I will see you next week.

Bumps and Bonks: Sometimes Life Throws You Small Curve Balls

So here we go, about 20 minutes to midnight and the long post that I was hoping to put up for the day has been delayed.  My little girl is into everything these days, so my wife and I spent a good chunk of the evening doing a bit of baby/kid-proofing for her safety and our peace of mind.  Around the time we normally do clean up, our little one started crying and was inconsolable until she had some anbesol for the gums and a small snack to tide over the hunger that she had developed thanks to being too sore in the gums to eat.  Stupid molars, don't they know that I have stuff to be working on?  I guess not.  In fact, not just the molars and baby proofing were a problem.

Just when it seemed we were going to be able to get her down for the night, she trips over my leg and head bonks into something hard.  Up for another 40 minutes with an ice pack to prevent bumps and watching Disney's Robin Hood to pass the time.  Good thing the movie is well done, because I've heard oo-da-lalee I don't know how many times.  At least the kid has good taste.

Anywho, the main point being that life threw me a curve ball tonight, so the long post won't be up until later in the week.  Hopefully I can complete the tip post tomorrow in time.   If not, I will likely swap the schedule (my own) around.  It is frustrating having a hiccup in the schedule that I came up with, but the funny thing is, a part of me is grateful for the hiccup.

Now, interruptions can be frustrating, time consuming, and just all around tiresome.  However, when compared with the fact that I could have been dead at this point and not have had my liver transplant, a part of me is grateful to be alive to experience the frustration of day to day setbacks.  I mean, nothing sets you back more than death.  Pesky being dead thing has probably ruined a whole host of potential novels, projects, and essays with other writers.  So for me, an evening lost because I had to look out for the interests of my little girl is a worthwhile trade.

True, I do feel behind at times and wish that I was further along in my career.  True, I am looking at a late night of editing writing, editing sound for the podcast, and planning for the next phase of my Junk Journal book--but even as I sit here typing the earlier weariness has left me.  There are lots of curve balls that life can throw your way, and I've had my fair share. But when I think about it...

I get to be alive. I get to write.  I get to spend time with my family whom I love.  Those are pretty nice blessings to be thankful for.

Being behind one night doesn't seem that bad after all.

5 Ways Writing is Like Cooking

Burnt toast tops my list for one of the most foul smells in the entire world.  I'm sure we've all burned our fair share and screwed up things more than just toast in the kitchen.  The smell got me thinking, mostly about burnt toast, but also how writing can often times remind me of cooking.  Some of the basic principals in cooking are applicable to writing, especially if you are into the whole "let's make a food analogy because I'm hungry" genre of writing.  Well I sure as heck am!  Kidding aside, there are some times that I feel much of what I have learned in cooking can apply to my work as a writer.  So without further flan--er, flare, here  are Five Ways Writing is Like Cooking:


Don't Be Afraid to Get Dirty

One of the first things I had to learn about cooking was that I was going to get dirty in the process.  Flour would be everywhere; dishes would pile up; and my hands were likely to get everything from frosting to chicken goop/blood on them.  It was a hard fact to face.  Well, this happens in writing too.  Sometimes you might have to work in circumstances that are not ideal, not what you want, and not what you expect.  You can't always be sipping soda and writing away on your laptop in some food joint.  You won't always get to have that afternoon to yourself where you just ponder what to do next with your characters.  You won't always be "feeling up to" doing what needs to be done.  Much like cooking, you've got to get in and do the sometimes dirty work of writing when you are not comfortable.  Sometimes writing like is baking fresh cookies (right from the pre-made pack, all nice and easy like); but other times it means you have a long afternoon ahead of you just to get one thing done.  You have to also be ready to pull out a notepad and write ideas, character arcs, and dialogue on the fly.  If an idea sounds like it would add zest to a story, but you aren't in your comfort zone--too bad, you've got to pull out that pad and write.  It may look messy, you may have a lot more editing to do than if you were working on a computer, but it is just a part of the process.


Try New Flavors

No matter how appealing a recipe might sound, no matter how easy it might seem; sometimes it is hard to make yourself try something new in the kitchen.  Similarly, sometimes you might have an idea for a character, plot arc, or story direction that sounds appealing, but will likely lead you in a direction you aren't entirely sure you want to go.  Now, to be true, sometimes you might throw out an idea which immediately sounds like the liver and onions equivalent in the writing world.  Nice for some, but just not for you.  However, you might get something that sounds like a complicated seafood recipe.  You aren't sure if the "flavor" or idea will really pan out.  It might be an idea that you end up liking and want to follow through, but are not sure if you have the "umph" to follow it through.  Whatever the case, don't be afraid to take a risk and try something new.  In order for your story to be different, to have those things that set it apart; you need to be ready to try out some things which you may not be used to.


Don't Indulge in Too Much Junk Food 

Okay, so this might seem like a stretch when it comes to the analogy game, but hear me out.  There are some characters and scenes that are like the best junk food on the planet.  Much like a bag of your favorite chips, sometimes characters and scenes come along and you just want to let loose and keep going back for more.  Does this character's scene advance the story or move the plot or grow him?  Nope, and who cares!  More of this please!  Who wouldn't want the Snape to keep insulting Harry for pages on end?  What's a few more arrows and battering rams at Helm's Deep?  And what about how in Game of Thrones...well, you get the point.  Scenes and characters you love to write can be fun, but if you spend too much time with them, you fatten up the story without adding anything of benefit.  I grant you I would have loved it if the Riddle Game from The Hobbit would have kept going, but I also know that if it went on too long it would have been the most dull scene in the book instead of the one of the most interesting ones.  Cut yourself off before you have a mess to work off in editing.  Speaking of which...


Clean Up When Done 

Yep, when all the work is done, and the food is made, who gets to clean up the mess left behind?  That's right, you do.  Same principal applies here.  Edits...*sigh*  Yes, one of the words we as writers most hate to hear about.  Editing and cleaning up after cooking just seem to go hand in hand, don't they?  You know the end product is, and will be something good.  You've already put in so much effort to produce something awesome, and then you realize there is still more work to do, and it is a whole lot less fun than the process of actually making something original.  "But what if I just order a pizza?  Won't clean up be a snap?  Ha!  I've picked apart your analogy in one fell swoop!"  You know what I say to that?  "Stop trying to stall and act all clever!  Get back to editing!"


Sometimes You Spend All Day Making a Mistake

The last part of this analogy might be the hardest for you to hear.  I joked about ordering out for pizza in the last point, but I've had to do just that before.  I have had cooking mistakes that I realized as I was finishing up had just went completely sideways and tasted awful.  Along those lines, you can write for hours and hours, spend a whole day working on something...only to churn out something in the end you realize is not just average or passable, but is like that burnt toast I told you about in the beginning.  Sometimes you have to throw out all your hard work and start from scratch or go with something basic that will suit the needs of what you are writing.  Sometimes you put in a whole lot of effort crafting a dish, or a scene, and have zilch to show at the end.  If only writing were as easy as getting that pizza.  "I'd like an order of plot please, heavy on the character development with a side of bread sticks."  (Because you should always get a side of bread sticks with anything.)  Now, this isn't to say that you should be afraid to start over or that backtracking doesn't happen.  Sometimes I've arrived at the end of a chapter and realized that everything prior to the last sentence just won't work at all.  But I started over because I had to. Or I chopped out what wasn't working and put something simple, yet sustaining in it's place.  Sometimes I suspect we wish we could just leave that hole in the story just as much as we wish we could skip a meal.  But in the end something has to be done.


As you might be able to tell, I love and hate cooking. Much in the same way I love and hate writing at times.  However, as much as I need food, I need to keep on writing.  I know at times analogies like the one I have written here can seem silly, or over-wrought, but I hope it has helped you.  I suspect that for both of us writing, much like food, is a sustaining and nourishing thing.  We need it in our lives to keep us going.

Well, time for a snack.

And a bit of writing, of course.

Easy Come, Easy Go: Writing Job Woes

Six hundred-plus words written, possibly for naught.  Even in the world of freelance writing gigs that sometimes is a hard blow.  I was so certain that this one job that I got through a freelance writing site was going to deliver a steady few bucks each week. I don't mean that in a cocky way, just that I was offered a trial spot, was given a prompt and told to write something short. So, I wrote a 600 word article, sent it off, and....a week later I still hadn't heard anything back.

So I did a bit of poking around, and by poking around I mean I went to the website that had said they were going to hire me, but wanted to test my skills first.  There on the site I find an article with a theme similar to the prompt I was given that went up two days after they said that they were likely to hire me.  Now, opportunities come and go in this business.  Sometimes sure things are not so sure, some times you land something semi-steady.  Sometimes you see stuff dry up.  There are feast times and famine times.  I guess I would call this "food snatched off the plate times" if I had to put a name to it.  Funny thing is it would not bother me as much if I had been told by the client that they went another direction--like, incredibly short copy.

I wrote 600 words and spent a few hours on my article.  The article they went with on the site was roughly 150 and is something I could punch out in roughly 30 minutes. 

That kinda stings.  

Funny enough I put in that many hours, sometimes more, when I do an article for another freelance site where I am not even trying to do a contract.  You basically follow a writing prompt, put the work out there, and hope the client likes it.  Sometimes you wait weeks (or months depending on your place in the que) to here back on whether they've bought the post, seen the post, or rejected the post.  Maybe it is a pressure thing.  There is no pressure when I write those blog posts.  They may take it, they may not.  My feelings are not hurt either way.  However, I guess it hurts a little when you actually contact the person and talk to them rather than do all business anonymously.  

On to other projects I suppose.

The Junk Journals go well.  I think I've reached the end of what I can actually pare down in my home (for the time being) and now I have to take these numerous notes, essays, and observances and see if they work as well as I hope for self-help book to post on Amazon.  Maybe it will go well, maybe it will not see the light of day as sometimes happens with creative projects.  Either way, things are what they are.  I have my hopes for other projects, but I don't always want to talk about those things in a public way.  You have to keep some stuff to yourself until it is ready.  Right?

Anywho.  I'm working on another writing tips/advice article for tomorrow, so I hope to "see" you again tomorrow.  Talk to you then!

Leave Your Favorite Books Alone

If you are holding your favorite book in your hands and are just trying to relax by reading something: compartmentalize that part of yourself that thinks you could have written it better.  Critiques are off the table, no trying to analyze and pick it apart.  Just don't do it!

Sure we are told over and over again that if you want to be a better writer that you should read as often as possible, and I believe it is true as well.  However, I don't think enough is said about the relaxation part.  Sure, reading helps us to learn to be better at the writing craft, but lets not get so caught up in trying to extrapolate lessons from the story that we forget to just sit back and enjoy the ride.  Some books I will jump back and forth between just reading and picking apart.  Some I read just to pick apart and others I read over and over again just to enjoy.

I will NEVER open my favorite books to do anything other than read to enjoy it.  If you can't turn of the criticism or are under the assumption that you need to be able to pick apart your favorite book in order to be a better writer; I could not disagree more.

There are some places we go in the real world to escape from the daily grind.  Places where we can enjoy the sublime beauty of nature, places where we can take a deep breath and refresh ourselves.  If we are true about being writers, wouldn't we want that one well where we can be refreshed?  That one book that we refuse to sully?  I wouldn't go to my favorite hiking spot and start pointing out issues like the view was not as good as it could be, or if it was overgrown in spots, or if too many people seemed to be there these days.  I would have ruined it for myself and would forever be hearing that critical voice, forever looking for the flaws.  I would be trying to fool myself into thinking that somehow I was going to grow by being able to take a "critical and educated eye" to something beloved to me.

I guess that just might be me though.  I admit there are books that I really like that I am willing to think in a critical way.  But there are other stories that are dear to me that I would never think of trying to pick them apart.  Not that there might not be flaws in them.  I just want them preserved in my mind the way they were the first time that I read them.  I want to be able to have the experience of approaching them always like an old friend that I would warmly welcome.  I would never approach my wife or a life long friend with a desire to some how "better myself through criticism of that which  I love," so why would I do it with my favorite book.

Not saying that we should make idols out of certain books either.  If we can preserve our enjoyment of a book though.  If we can have just one spot--one story rather--that we can breath in, I think that is a thousand times better than any perceived benefit from being critical.

That's just me though.

Keeping Up the Pace

How many words per minute can you type?

Can you do 60 words or more a minute?

I wish I could.

Not because I think this skill will be of use in landing me a kick-butt secretarial job or some other recorder type position, but because I feel like my typing can't keep up sometimes with my train of thought or my ability to dream something up.  Not meant as a brag, just a fact.  I could probably rattle off a story into a microphone faster than I can type it.   Except I'm not really the "tell an oral story" kind of guy.  Much as I love the oral tradition, as it is called, I love the written word more.  Sometimes I can only ring out one idea or paragraph at a time and I plod along to get the job done.  Other times I feel like if it weren't for other obligations I could just write from dawn til' dusk.  Yes, those obligations even include potty breaks.  When I, or another writer, get into that coveted "leave me alone, I'm writing" groove it leaves me wondering:  can we as writers ever hope to keep up with our own ideas?   Do we lose great ideas that will never enter our heads again?  Can we compensate if our mind clicks along but the keyboard doesn't?

First, I have to say from experience it feels like a monumental task to keep up with my creative side when I can only crank out about 30-50 words a minute.  Just because I am a writer, doesn't mean I can zoom along the keyboard...well, most of the time.  I admit sometimes I feel like Mario and I can crash through mental barriers like I've just touched a invincibility star and writer's block is so many goombas.  I love those times, as I'm sure every writer does.  Should I feel bad for the times that ideas come more slowly though?  Maybe they just needed a bit of time to marinate.  I'd like to think that most times I can keep up with my own thoughts, but there are times when I can't.  Have you had those times?

I have been flying along at the keyboard, a scene is coming together just the way that I want then BAM!  I have to make a decision about one of five directions the story can take from there and sometimes they can be incorporated into a latter part of the story.  So the easy solution to that problem would seem to be that I could make a quick note to myself, and come back to that idea later after I pursue another one.  The problem is that it doesn't always work that way for a writer.  Some times you can see for miles down the writing road, but you know that once you start on one path, you can't see those other paths quite as clearly.  Sure, you can kind of trace them there in the distance and you know their final destination if you check a map or look at the notes you took.  But much like real life, a map can only tell you so much, and a seeing a map of where things go is not the same as seeing the road that gets you there.  At times like that I envy the cartoonists and artists that I know, both at home and on twitter.  Artists like Apelad or Walmazan create several iterations of a design and can show it off and the viewer can get a clear picture of the ideas they were going for in each design.  I am not sure if it is easier, but when I get stuck trying to remember where a certain pathway was going, I envy their talent for making a picture convey more than just a thousand words.  So how do we compensate for those times when we have lost a thought or know that we might have had a fantastic idea that we totally lost track of?

I wish I had a fantastic answer or that one was out there either online or in a book.

I've heard everything from "write it down" to "draw a picture about it when it comes along," nothing seems to work though.  Sometimes you are blessed and you can easily lock on to that old road you nearly took and add it to the story you were writing.  Sometimes you totally forget why that particular arc was interesting or so full of promise.  Either way, you need to keep pace with yourself and keep writing.

So here I am writing, trying to keep up a pace that will help me not only stay ahead of my thoughts, but will hopefully allow me to stride confidently down whatever story path I choose.  I hope those of you who actually read this blog can stride ahead too and keep up a good pace.

Turned Down from a Low Paying Job: Good or Bad?

So, I actually got a response the other day for what I think of as a "throw away" job.  As you can probably guess from the title of this post, I did not get said job. Here is just a little bit about the job that I was turned down for:

-The pay was ridiculously low, but wouldn't be that time consuming
-There was a "possible" bonus if the work was completed in less than a day.
-The client required a resume', cover letter, filling out a "why are you applying for this job" was required, and a writing sample (which although standard in most applications, seemed a bit over-the-top considering the other info they wanted) in order for you to be considered for said job.
-It took me about a half hour to apply for the job.
-Turn around time for hearing back from any job is usually around 24 hours, I got a response within 20 minutes.


I am left wondering whether I should feel insulted or grateful that I didn't get the job.  It wasn't like this would make or break me to do the job.  A bit of extra cash in the pocket is nice, and resume padding to show that I am working is also nice.  Should I keep trying to apply to jobs like this though?  They eat up about an hour, sometimes two, of my time when I get them and they pay next to nothing.  I mean sure, every dollar I make is a dollar more that I did not have.  Every dollar earned puts food on the table, helps keep the electricity running, and all of those other little necessities in life.  Occasionally I can use these throw away jobs for fun personal expenditures like an old Nintendo games, money toward summer vacation, and other such diversions.  But in the end is it worth it?

Should any writer be okay with taking the super-low paying jobs?  I truthfully do not know because I feel as if the case could be made for it being helpful or hurtful.  On the one hand, one could argue that the Joe jobs help writers to flex the literary muscles, get typing speed up or least in shape, and build character and knowledge.  I admit that through a series of lower paying jobs I feel like I have gotten to know a bit more about everything ranging from retro television to different facets of the culinary world.  However these were blog articles that were not exactly helping me to do a little something I call "meet basic needs."  Sure, I feel like the experience has helped me to keep my fingers limber and my mind churning, but in the end have I gained enough intangible benefits to justify continuing to take on a job that pays very little, monetarily speaking.

Yes, I am building character, but am I character building?  Is the willingness to take on the small jobs costing me the opportunity to work on personal creative writing projects in a way that may not cost money now, but may cost me later in a more personal way?  I guess any of us who write, draw, or engage in other artistic endeavors face this sort of time management question every day.  Will I be spending time on my work or a client's?  Whatever choice we make, we are committed 100% to getting the job done in the best way possible.  A 500 word article on gas grills for a client, or part of the first chapter for a new book, which choice should I make?  I truthfully am not quite sure at times which choice to make.  I wonder how often my artist friends from Woot go through this same sort of decision process.  Do I pick my stuff that "may" make money in the future, or a client's stuff that will make money now.  Do I start a project that I have high hopes will become known in my field, or do I tackle a sure fire job that will keep my name in the work pool?

For now I am glad to not have the landed the low paying job.  If I delay my own hopes and dreams too long they become a pocket full of never realized wishes.  I know that there will be plenty of days when I will take such a job because I need the work not just for a bit of money, but to keep my mind in shape.  Today I work on my stuff and my dreams though, if only for a short while.

Five Fantasy Writing Tips

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like too often in today’s fantasy fiction writers seem so eager to press ahead in their particular “once upon a time…” that they neglect to keep the most simple of writing tools handy to keep my interest.  Just because we are reading or telling stories about barbarians does not mean that we have to end up sounding like one when we craft a tale, does it? Okay, maybe that sounds a bit stuck up, but it kinda bugs me when I try to read through something and find it lacking in ways that feel should have been caught on the first draft.  I'm not trying to ride a high horse about this, and I'm not going to pretend that I know every tip and trick that will help make a story unique. What follows are just a few rules that I try to follow when doing my own writing.  Not trying to sound stuck up, just thought I'd put this out there as part of the way that I go about things:

Some Do’s and Don'ts of Fantasy Writing

1. Don’t be afraid to use a baby book for character names:  How often have you picked up a fantasy book and found that the names of the characters seem to be a hodge-podge of vowels and consonants such as Aaora the Blind, or Nymirec the Ugly, or Sweaui the Witch?  Is there anything wrong with John, Alex, or Jennifer?  Even if these seem bland at first, you may end up liking them more than you own creations.  In addition to this, there are innumerable names in various languages.  Consider doing a little bit of library time to see the meanings of various names.  You may find that a simple sounding name has a powerful meaning or a different language translation that sounds more epic than just calling your hero "Timmy."
2. Do be aware of what are accepted norms of fantasy books:  When was the last time you saw a magician use a bow and arrow?  Has the mighty warrior been tender and compassionate?  Does the smart-alec thief turn out to be an elf?  Well all of these may be intriguing ideas for characters, sometimes it feels like writers are trying too hard to be different.  I need back story with that inventiveness, not "Oh, my magician can wield a bow.  Not to say people can't multitask, we do it all the time in real life.  As a reader I can be open to an elfin thief and bow-wielding magician, or the idea of  an overly compassionate warrior.  However, I won't warm up to these ideas and others if it feels like a cheat.  If you elf is a master thief simply because you needed some object to be in the hero's hands, you can't just sort of drop it in there.  It is sloppy and insulting, sorry, but it is.  Go to a local book store and skim through the fantasy section if you have any doubts or worries about what your characters are doing. 
3. Don’t get too complicated too quickly:  Readers are intelligent and wonderful people.  After all, they are going to be buying your books in the future, aren't they?  Well, your audience may be intelligent, but do not overload them with back story too early on.  A reader appreciates being led through your world as if it is a real place they could visit.  Tell them too much and they might be forcibly reminded of a history lesson.  Although you may have a wise, seemingly all-knowing magician, it won't help to have him explaining every facet of your world.  Let the readers wonder a bit, but don’t give them so much to wonder about that they lose interest in the particular story that you are telling.
4. Don’t use too much dues ex machine:  The aforementioned all knowing wizard cannot be all knowing.  There is no adventure and excitement without doubt.  Doubt in the hero, doubt in the fidelity of the woman, doubt in the lovable but sneaky rogue.  If there is no doubt in the reader’s mind that the story will end well (or sad depending on your story) then there is no thrill.  If the all knowing magician has too many answers, then the reader may look to him or her or whatever “it” that you have created that solves all the characters problems.  Maybe I just don't like my plot points to seem like handouts for the hero.  Granted, the magician could die, the seer could lose her powers and the magical item could be destroyed, but if these things are impervious in your story, then there is no doubt about how the story will end.
5. Do decide whether an action opening is best:  Some of today’s fiction writers seem insistant on getting people’s attention in a fantasy novel by opening with a battle scene.  This may sound good and natural and you may have an orc waiting by who is ready to swing their ax down on a peasant or a witch about to cast a terrible spell on an innocent princess.  However, if you excite your audience’s senses too much too quickly, then all following action will be like bad music after a particularly bold crescendo.  Whatever follows has to be highly intriguing, make us ask questions not out of confusion but out of curiosity.  If you start off exciting, but follow it up with tepid dialogue and pointless meandering then the battle was for nothing, so to speak.  If you want a great example of how to start with action and leave the reader wanting to know more about what is going on, then check out most of Louis L'mour's works.  Whether or not you are into the western genre, there's much to be learned there not only in terms of pacing, but on how to open with action and follow it up with something interesting and engaging.

In general, it is in the best interests of the writer to make their own decisions as to what is working and what is not working in a novel before submitting it for publication.  However, this does not mean that you should approach the process cold with no research at all.   It may very well be that Reynuk the barbarian will be accepted as a name, and that your landscape will be dotted with villainous werewolves who will be content with nothing less then the devouring of every man, woman, and child.  I guess though as a reader and a writer it would be nice to come on story that breathes new life into the fantasy genre with Red Weddings, sparkly vampires, or heartthrob werewolves.

But that's just me.

The Importance of Distraction While Being Creative

Crazy thought here, but I think it's important to have stuff going on around you while you are trying to get something creative done. Whether it's a sketch for tee shirt contest, outlining a story, painting a painting...or working on a blog.

Having distraction around you can be a good thing.  Whether it is a bit of too interesting music, a list of chores that you keep thinking about that needs doing, or a child that needs attention or whatever; having these things going on in the background can be helpful.  Now, I'm not advocating working in a full on hurricane, but what I am saying is that if you are doing something creative that requires a bit of concentration, having constant distractions can actually help you to grow in your creativity.

Between building up a movie podcast and blog with my brother, writing a kids book, trying to be diligent in getting content made for this blog, a gaming blog in the works, not to mention the freelance work I do here and there--things have been busy.  And the midst of that busyness there has been plenty of opportunity to learn this same lesson over and over and over again.  If you can't get the fun stuff done when the world seems to be blaring a trumpet in your ear, how can you be expected to do it in those craved for quiet moments?  And what if those moments never come?

You could spend all day pining for those perfect moments to be creative.  You might imagine yourself looking up from a drawing board, sketch pad, a notepad, or a laptop as you look out a window and think some grandiose thought about the human condition or what-have-you.  You pensively stroke your chin, knowing that a profound bit of artistry is on the verge of emerging from your ever fertile brain.  The only problem is that you've been waiting all day for this mythical moment and that bright, sunny light is a street lamp and the grandiose thought is actually you contemplating having a bowl of popcorn while binge watching something rather than working on the stuff you were planning on doing all day.  What's the point of trying after all, the best inspirational moments have passed.  They were gobbled up like so much else of your day.

The problem isn't really that you don't have the time though or that the "really good thoughts" have been used up for the day.  The problem is you didn't buckle down during the distracting parts.  Those awesome, chin-stroking moments were available to you all day long, you just had to not let the distractions win.

It's a constant struggle to get the ideal moment that we dream of. I'm not saying that they never happen, or that they are a rare thing.  What I am saying is that if you can't get yourself to thinking creatively, to be imaginative against the relentless press of the mundane--then how do you expect to have the discipline or ability to fully appreciate when the perfect moments do come along?  What will it matter to you if the sun is shining as you look out the window onto the most inspirational scene imaginable if that becomes the norm for your creative time?  Yes, we need to take full advantage when they come along, but we also need to be ready for the hard push that will come before those perfect moments.

I guess for myself I've started to learn to appreciate those moments a bit more and learned to push myself to be creative even when the world seems to be coming hectic and unglued.  If I hadn't started to learn to be creative during the distracting times, then the quiet moment like the one I am enjoying as I write this would seem less special to me.

Distraction is helpful.

Taking the Long Road to Short Trips (Part II)

      So, as I said before, I don't want to waste my life or the time given to me.  I want to utilize my ability to write both so I can engage in fun, entertaining creative endeavors.  I would also like to use my writing in a practical way to help provide for my family and put away a little at a time for my daughter's college fund.  To that end, I need to start "producing more product" so-to-speak.  I need to get more basic writing jobs and I need to work more on the creative projects that I love.  However, I have a huge stumbling block to this as I mentioned before, which is the knick-knack-paddy-whack-junk-and-stuff that is around my home.  So now that I'm over a year out from my last day at my retail job and have the opportunity to work from home, I find myself doing more work ON the home than in it, in a manner of speaking.  Why not just ignore it?  Why not get some work done that I want to get done?

     Well, this is the work I want to get done, because if I don't then I can't get work done.  Do you get what I mean?  It's not just a general lack of focus or drive, it's that I can't get from point A to point B without actually travelling over that distance.  For me, that distance involves my share, and what seems like several other people's share, of cleaning and de-cluttering.  I want to know that when I look up from my writing the only things that will be really vying for my attention will be my daughter's baby photos and a small (VERY small) collection of oddities that I have long used for inspiration while writing.  Personally, I feel like in the end whatever writing I get done won't feel nearly as fulfilling as it could if I know that I can't unwind at the end of the day because I have cleaning to do.  For the record, I know that with a little one in the house, there will always be cleaning to do.  But there are things that should have been dealt with a while ago that I could never get to thanks to the former job.  Now it may sound like I am laying a large amount of blame on that job for a messy home, and yeah, oh heck yeah I am.  This will be something I talk about in my Junk Journal book.  The truth is it agrevates me both at the old retail job and at myself for letting it get to me.  I allowed the old job to make me chase after countless doo-dads and thing-a-ma-bobs as a distraction.  Although I had a freelance writing job with a tee shirt company (an opportunity that I am still ever-grateful for), I never got in writing of any other sort.  I wasn't putting nearly as much as I wanted to into the career that I really wanted to follow.

So now that I have this opportunity to keep moving forward in my writing career, why choose to slow down for stuff that built the basis for holding me back?  Why occupy my time with this junk around me rather than writing?  Well, in one of life's ironic twists, I have something to write about as I come out of the experience.  I want to de-clutter and clean up, but I need the catharsis and closure that will also come with writing about the junk that I am donating and disposing of.  If I just toss it out whole sale in attempt to be done with it, I feel like that will be the old way, the old, terrible job winning in the end.  Not only would it have robbed me of time with my family, time building my career, but it will have given me nothing to show for it.  So I guess that is my writing lesson to be shared for the day.  All those cliches' about writing from your pain and frustration have some truth to them.

I could probably write a whole book about the daily struggles that my past health issues gave me.  I could do a mini-series on what it was like those final months leading up to the liver transplant that saved my life.  Maybe some day I will write more about that.  What I need to write about now is the long road that I am I taking.  Ah, the post title, now I finally get to it, right?  I am taking the long road of frustration and annoyance and heartache that will come from going through all this junk.  But I choose it because it is the only way it can be done.  In the end I will end up with shorter trips to the ol' writing table or whatever metaphor best fits here.  It may sound silly to keep thinking about how the former retail job pushed itself into my life, but it ate away at me just as much as my liver disease and declining health did. In a way, that retail job took much more and gave far less then my sickness did.  But whatever little good that it did, I am going to squeeze what I can from it and write about it as best I can.

   

Taking the Long Road to Short Trips (Part I)

I don't want to waste my life.  I want to get things done.

I mean, who doesn't?  I want to be able to enjoy my down time.  Again, who doesn't?  But the fact is that I can't get things done (things being writing projects) and I can't enjoy my down time to its fullest with the random boxes of junk that I have lying around my apartment.  Well, to be clear it isn't like they are lining the halls and spilling out of the closets.  They are tucked away in my bedroom and in the bedroom closet.  Safely out of site, and out of mind.

But they aren't out of mind.  Not really.  For a while now I've had these things sitting in the bedroom, taking up space, and generally just sort of being there.  It probably wouldn't bother me nearly as much if I was still working my terrible retail job or working the theater job.  (That one was awesome, so I won't knock it.)   However, now that I am doing writing from home as my full time job, my home is my office.  The dirty corners and untidy areas are my work space and my job site.  Okay, true enough I don't stuff myself in the closet with my laptop in order to get my writing done, but the mental effect the untidiness has on me does effect how well I concentrate on my writing and how much output I can expect from myself on a daily basis.  So to that end I've been spending more time the past couple of weeks working on my "Junk Journals" book project and de-cluttering my home.  Good.  A bit of irony with this continued work on decluttering is that I haven't had a chance to really do any "for me" writing.  Oh sure, I've been working on my job related copy writing things, gotta keep limber.  But I just haven't put in the time lately that I want to on getting writing things done.

I want to say more about this, but the truth is it is kinda late and I am tired.

Doing Five Things at Once, None of Them is getting Sleep

So, I worked a bit more on blog entries for Bloggmutt, searched out jobs on Odesk (nothing hilarious to report sorry to say), watched the little one and read stories to her, did some basic cleaning, and made meals for the family.  It was a full day, and looks like it will have to keep going strong in order to make me feel like I've gotten somewhere.  Part of me would really like to call it quits for the night and just play some Nintendo, but if I do that then the articles won't get written.  I've tried talking to them about it, begged the writing to be more self-sufficient and the like, but they just don't seem to want to get done on their own.  Despite the busy levels I'm experiencing, I keep thinking I need to get more sleep at night in order to be productive.  I am getting tired and unable to function much past midnight anymore, which for an insomniac means a whole lot of brainless Star Trek Deep Space 9 Watching and whole lot of not getting work done.  Sometimes I indulge in a bit of gaming, but for the most part it feels like I am not really up to working as late as I use to while I was in college.  But the thing is, it hasn't as much to do with physical tiredness as much as it has to do with needing an extended break.

Allow me to clarify what I mean by needing a break.  I don't just mean that I'm using late night as my break time during the day, or night rather.  I guess what I mean is that I feel like I need an extended break from how my life had been for the past several years.  Just a few years ago I was working 30-40 hours at a retail job that was pretty insidious in its treatment of me, going to college full time, slowly dying of liver disease, and trying to work on my own writing from time to time. When I finally was transplanted a few years ago, I still had the soul-stealing job and abysmal hours.  The few upshots were that I had a second chance at life and I had a secondary job doing creative write ups for a tee shirt company called CaptainKYSO.  Great working for them, I hope they make a comeback soon.  However, I only could squeeze in a little time with my wife from time to time, was still trying to find ways to squeeze in working on my own writing projects, and was generally missing out on church activities thanks to the evil job.  Now though, I get to work from home doing my writing and trying to find writing jobs, and I get to spend more time with my wife then I did when we were first married, I get to be a dad to an adorable little girl...and the list goes on.  So things are definitely looking up, more than they have in a long time.  I still am busy, not quite as much as before, but busy in a better way.

True, I need to work harder to help make ends meet, but it is much more satisfying working jobs here and there doing what I love then getting steady work doing stuff I hate.  I can fill up my day in ways that are satisfying and when I end up being up late and not getting sleep, it is on my terms and not out of necessity.  I could go back to having a hectic schedule if I wanted to impose that on myself.  For right now though, juggling five things on a daily basis feels like taking a break.  You've heard the old saying that sleep is over-rated?  Well, in my case it feels true.  But not because I am seeing my life bled away by a horrible job, bad health, and lack of joyful things to take part in.  This period right now, busy as it is, feels like a period of blessing and I don't want to take it for granted by sleeping it away.  Yeah, I might be groggy through some portions, but it's a welcome weariness.  If that makes sense.

Anywho, I promised my wife I we'd watch "The Wind Rises" tonight, so I think that this may be the last bit of writing for the evening.  

Finding Focus While Writing

It's difficult to just up and try to write roughly several hundred words about a vast variety of topics.  Pretty succinct and simple way of putting it, isn't it?  But the truth is searching out jobs on craigslist and through various freelance writing sites carries a large weight of ever daunting difficult.  So many thoughts and ideas float through my mind as I search, write, and hope for the best possible outcome when submitting job proposals and writing samples.

"Do I know this subject well enough to write several hundred words about it?"
"Is this worth my time, or should I be looking elsewhere?"
"Are they seriously only going to pay $500 for some one to write a 50k original story to which they don't maintain the rights?  And am I crazy for thinking that this sounds stupid?"
"Am I selling my creative genius for a pittance?"

Okay, I know that the last one might sound a bit egotistical, but the truth of the matter is, what if I land upon a really clever, original idea for a book series for children or some smart idea for a series of books for adults, but practically give it away for a few hundred bucks?  I'm not talking about accidentally selling off something near Narnia or Lord of the Rings level, but you never know, now do you?  Now, again, this isn't some sort of ego thing, just...well, I would hate to accidentally sell the security of my families future just so I'd have a little extra cash that month to help pay the bills.  Now don't get me wrong, paying bills is an important thing to do.  Not missing student loan payments and getting those credit cards paid off is a high priority in our household.  However, I'd rather have to subsist on mac and cheese and spaghetti than run the potential risk of selling what I know to be a great idea.  I know, I know.  Maybe I'm just over-estimating my own potential and abilities.  But who wants to sell themselves too short on their hopes and dreams?  However, I know that my hopes, dreams, and even teh side projects are going to keep only being nothing but vapor unless I get a bit more focus, and that's where today's post comes in.

I guess I need to be a little more "type A" in my life.  Now, that fills me with a bit of dread and concern because I don't want to because I'm lazy and would rather scarf chips and watch movies in my free time. Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but the truth is that I have come to realize I need to be eating into what I see now as my "free time" if I really want to make any forward movement in my hopes for the future.  I need to be trying to be a bit more action oriented when it comes to getting the ball rolling on my writing projects or else I WILL end up bungling a great idea and selling it for a song--or a few bucks.  A part of me doesn't want to have to give up time that I would rather be relaxing because I have known so little relaxation in the past decade it seems.  Between my own major health issues (which are thankfully now resolved) to a horrible, life-sucking grocery-store job--I've come to covet my spare time.  Made an "idol" as it were out of it.  I don't want to disappoint my family or God by just letting my talents go to waste.  Again, sounds all vain, but I feel like it is true.

Funny enough, it is helpful that I am trying to blog more often, because it gets me at the keyboard trying to "stretch" the writing muscles beyond the usual work that I have been doing.  Not that I have been idle, just it has been too easy of late to kick back and movie watch rather than get anything I really want to get done, done.  Speaking of which,  I feel like this is about a good place to wrap up this particular journal.  My little girl may wake up from her nap soon, and I want to get a bit further in the Junk Journals that I am writing, superficially on de-junking end of things.  Any-who, I'll catch ya later!

Little Steps Closer, Long Ways to Go

Well,  I am a few steps closer to getting that blog on games started.  My wife did a much needed wipe and reset on my computer.  It was getting so slow, so buggy, so unusable that I'm sure it was only a few steps above using a typewriter than scanning the pages into a computer.  Which makes me sad really because it means that this computer is getting old.  I don't really feel like upgrading it any time soon since it is functional.  Not to mention, I have a fondness for this laptop as it is my first computer of this kind.  Oh sure, I've done writing on my home PC, but this is my my first laptop.  With it came a certain sort of freedom that made me feel like I did the first time I went driving on my own after I got my license.  Unlike having a license I never really needed to get away to go do something, in this case writing, but by being able to head out to a local eatery to eat and write is something I've wanted to be able to do for years.  And truthfully, the first time I got to do it was every bit as awesome as I'd hoped it would be.

Of Junk Journaling and Musing Thoughts

So, to make a long story short, it's late and I'm tired.  But I think I need to get some writing done. If in no other format than this one at least.  Not that I'm putting down this particular blog of mine, just that I've been working on freelance writing applications and blog article submissions this evening, so I need to some time to write, some time to stretch, so to speak.

I know that I don't plan on doing much writing right now.  I already did a bit earlier today.  I had some thoughts coalescing about some stuff a friend and I have been talking about.  I know, I know.  Pretty vague jabber for a writer, but I am a bit tired and don't know how to say what I was going to gabble about.  Sufficed to say I don't want to screw up the way I write what I am writing.

Anywho, it got late on me and I am suddenly too tired to continue this particular blog. Night all!