Which Way to the Yelling Room?

Pressure provides an excellent motivator in almost all things.  You want to be pushed to do more, excel in what you can, and try your hardest in all you do.

At least until everything starts to pile up and you need to scream.

You know, to relieve tension and such.

Since college I have learned to not only work well under the pressure of a dozen things going on at once, but also learned how to thrive when it happens.  The upside was that even with getting sick (this was pre-transplant), long hours for school studies, and what I will term "wacky" scheduling from the management of my old retail job; I was getting things done.  I was working on my writing, doing the odd freelance job, and trying to keep up the cleanliness of my home.  The only downside, it seemed, was that things would come crashing down the minute I was hospitalized and too sick to work on projects.  Naturally, all the juggling balls don't juggle themselves, and the moment you step away everything falls apart.  However, nearly 5 years away from that liver transplant, and I realize that something else was happening during those years when I had so much going on.

I was getting hooked on having too much to do.

Odd thing to say, but I think it is possible to get addicted to having a full to the brim plate of ideas, projects, and chores to work on.  On the one hand, it keeps you from being lazy and you are forced to not waste time.  On the other hand, you never really have free time to relax, so you can get hyper stressed at the drop of a hat.  I have decided I would like the best of both worlds, please?

I need to have that pressure to keep me working, keep me on task, but not so much that I wish I had a third bedroom at home just so I could have protracted screaming sessions to alleviate stress.  What I want is knowing that I have things to do during the day, but at the end of the day have accomplished them for the most part.   Funny thing, this is more type A then type B.  I guess my type B tendecies come out in that I am always thinking of something new and exciting to do--but the type A side pops in and says it must be done by day's end or I've failed to get things done for the day.   I want to have a day where I don't feel rushed, but also don't feel like I could be a lump and just waste a few hours and not have it effect things.  (Barring vacations of course, because we all need time off.  I'm talking strictly the daily grind type stuff.)

So anywho, which way to the yelling room?  Because it would appear between a fantastic job opportunity (if I get it), personal projects with the Junk Journals, hoped for work from a revitalized CaptainKYSO, and my work on creative writing projects for my children's fantasy novels--I'm a little busy and have a full plate.

I guess last week was the right, wrong week to get sick.  But it's okay.  Because sometimes a bit of pressure, even extreme pressure, can be a good thing.

Finding Focus While Writing

It's difficult to just up and try to write roughly several hundred words about a vast variety of topics.  Pretty succinct and simple way of putting it, isn't it?  But the truth is searching out jobs on craigslist and through various freelance writing sites carries a large weight of ever daunting difficult.  So many thoughts and ideas float through my mind as I search, write, and hope for the best possible outcome when submitting job proposals and writing samples.

"Do I know this subject well enough to write several hundred words about it?"
"Is this worth my time, or should I be looking elsewhere?"
"Are they seriously only going to pay $500 for some one to write a 50k original story to which they don't maintain the rights?  And am I crazy for thinking that this sounds stupid?"
"Am I selling my creative genius for a pittance?"

Okay, I know that the last one might sound a bit egotistical, but the truth of the matter is, what if I land upon a really clever, original idea for a book series for children or some smart idea for a series of books for adults, but practically give it away for a few hundred bucks?  I'm not talking about accidentally selling off something near Narnia or Lord of the Rings level, but you never know, now do you?  Now, again, this isn't some sort of ego thing, just...well, I would hate to accidentally sell the security of my families future just so I'd have a little extra cash that month to help pay the bills.  Now don't get me wrong, paying bills is an important thing to do.  Not missing student loan payments and getting those credit cards paid off is a high priority in our household.  However, I'd rather have to subsist on mac and cheese and spaghetti than run the potential risk of selling what I know to be a great idea.  I know, I know.  Maybe I'm just over-estimating my own potential and abilities.  But who wants to sell themselves too short on their hopes and dreams?  However, I know that my hopes, dreams, and even teh side projects are going to keep only being nothing but vapor unless I get a bit more focus, and that's where today's post comes in.

I guess I need to be a little more "type A" in my life.  Now, that fills me with a bit of dread and concern because I don't want to because I'm lazy and would rather scarf chips and watch movies in my free time. Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but the truth is that I have come to realize I need to be eating into what I see now as my "free time" if I really want to make any forward movement in my hopes for the future.  I need to be trying to be a bit more action oriented when it comes to getting the ball rolling on my writing projects or else I WILL end up bungling a great idea and selling it for a song--or a few bucks.  A part of me doesn't want to have to give up time that I would rather be relaxing because I have known so little relaxation in the past decade it seems.  Between my own major health issues (which are thankfully now resolved) to a horrible, life-sucking grocery-store job--I've come to covet my spare time.  Made an "idol" as it were out of it.  I don't want to disappoint my family or God by just letting my talents go to waste.  Again, sounds all vain, but I feel like it is true.

Funny enough, it is helpful that I am trying to blog more often, because it gets me at the keyboard trying to "stretch" the writing muscles beyond the usual work that I have been doing.  Not that I have been idle, just it has been too easy of late to kick back and movie watch rather than get anything I really want to get done, done.  Speaking of which,  I feel like this is about a good place to wrap up this particular journal.  My little girl may wake up from her nap soon, and I want to get a bit further in the Junk Journals that I am writing, superficially on de-junking end of things.  Any-who, I'll catch ya later!